Apparently I'm healthy. Bummer!

I should clarify...I'm SO thankful for where God has brought me physically, but in spite of my deep-down thankfulness, I'm struggling with some frustrations. Here's the scoop...

I went to Mayo last Wednesday to discuss the "growth" found in my abdomen, and apparently it's not another cyst. They called it a Lymphoseal, and decided that instead of operating to take it out, they wanted to insert an abscess drain to try and drain the fluid in hopes that the lymph vessels would seal if the fluid was cleared out consistently. They said it would most likely be "uncomfortable", but I would be able to live life normally while it was in.

NOT TRUE! I had a pretty negative reaction to them putting the drain in (P.S., it's a green little tube stuck into the side of my stomach...seriously disturbing to look at. I kind of feel like an alien.), and was in debilitating pain for the next couple of days. Saturday I felt much better and "sucked it up" to sing in a wedding...TOTALLY overdid it, and had a really rough day yesterday and today. Last night I didn't end up falling asleep until 4:30, had cold sweats and a fever of 101, and ended up thinking I had an infection. I had all the signs: severe abdominal pain, a change in the fluids being drained, and new chills/fever.

So we called up to Mayo today and were advised to go into our local ER for some testing...I was poked and prodded from 9:00-3:00, and subsequently found out that I'm totally "fine". My white blood cell count is fine, there's no sign of an infection, and the CT scan shows that the drain is right where it's supposed to be. I was ready to go in for emergency surgery...just fix me already!!!

Basically, I'm just struggling. I've definitely learned that I lack mental fortitude, as I have gotten discouraged so quickly throughout this process. But, I guess we'll never grow if we don't experience it!

Best thing that's come from this: I am SO in love with my husband. Chris is by far the best care taker I could ever imagine, and has shown me his love through his many many loving actions. He has become a light sleeper (NOT how he usually is!), and wakes up whenever I move around, not wanting me to be in pain alone. He's definitely showing me Christ's love in this situation, and I feel SO blessed.

Oh yeah, and I got some SWEET pain killers today! Maybe that'll fix everything!

Peace Out :)

Pray You Enough...

I got this prayer in a forward the other day, and it went down in history as the first forward that ever made me cry. There was a story that went with it, but the poem was the main part. Thinking about memorizing it...enjoy!

I pray you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no
matter how gray the day may appear.

I pray you enough rain to appreciate the sun.

I pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I pray you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear big.

I pray you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I pray you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I pray you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

NO MORE FENCES!

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this situation all day...listened to 2 hours of talk radio about it, actually! Steve Deace is the most influential speaker I've ever listened to...check out his website here. His three main goals are: 1. To love God, 2. To tell the truth, and 3. To make money. He ends each segment by simply saying, "Isaiah 61". He's not faithful to either political party, but instead struggles to find biblical truth in the issues, and discuss them candidly, which is so appreciated in a world of game-playing and back-stabbing.

Today he spoke about the Miss California's response to a question about gay marriage during the Miss USA contest. I saw it on T.V., but really didn't expect it was going to be so controversial. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out here...this clip really shows the whole story/reaction (unfortunate as it is).

The thing that really got me thinking after listening to the segment today was that we can't straddle the fence anymore. There are so many issues in politics...global warming, taxes, education, the budget. Most of these issues don't have a "right" or a "wrong" for Christians. We could find ourselves either right or left, and still be able to sleep at night knowing we haven't denied God. Not anymore.

We can't straddle this homosexual fence. If an individual accepts homosexuality into their morality, they canNOT accept Christ for who He says He is. If we lose this cultural battle, we lose the big battle. I didn't get it until today.

I still struggle with my thoughts on how much religion and politics should mix...I actually love that religion doesn't interact much with U.S. politics (theoretically at least)...religion + politics = Iraq, the crusades, lots of bad things! But, we're moving very quickly toward secular humanism, and that's scarier to me than any religious government. I think once we're there, there'll be no turning back.

So I guess the tough question is, what are we going to do about it? What does Christ REALLY ask us to do...if we take off the cultural films that we can't help but look at scripture through, how do we act? What's the base truth? Does it make us uncomfortable? How much have we already been touched by living in our relativistic culture? Do we ACTUALLY have a biblical worldview? I wonder...

Please pray...

I guess this is a request for prayer...tomorrow Chris and I head up to Mayo in Rochester, MN to meet with a surgeon about this cyst. I'm not nervous, but I would like prayer that God will lead us in making decisions, and make our path very obvious.

The only reason I'm tempted to get nervous is because this could have possible ramifications on whether or not we go to India. We're both still full in emotionally, but don't want to go if my health could be hurt by us being there. Mesenteric cysts are extremely rare, and of those rare cases, it's rare for them to recur....so I'm praying for a doctor that has seen cases like this multiple times, will know exactly what needs to be done, and we'll take care of it...get in, get out, get done! Maybe I'll go in for surgery right away...ahh, to wish!

So, that's that. I'll fill you in when I know more. :)

words

there have been many words in my life lately. here are a couple.

"productive" is our exercise-bike-word right now. go go go and never seem to finish anything!

"congratulations" is taking on a new meaning. we're getting lots of congratulations, but there're always sad eyes behind the word.

"anticipation" fills my mind, even though it's never spoken. my whole life is spent anticipating something.

"remember" is associated with the millions of memories that surface while i look at the pictures that still need to be scrapbooked before we leave. (i don't mind this at all...i love this "task!")

"wednesday" is "finally!" word, because it's when i finally have my appointment with mayo!

____________

some other words that have been really speaking to my heart have come in the form of a poem put to music that we're singing in school. the melody feels spiritual to me, and every time the kids sing it my heart recovers a little more...i'm starting to feel thankful for my time here, not just sad that we're leaving.

"the pasture"
i'm going out to clean the pasture spring;
i'll only stop to rake the leaves away
and wait to watch the water clear, i may:
i sha'n't be gone long. you come too.

i'm going out to fetch the little calf
that's standing by the mother. it is so young,
it totters when she licks it with her tongue.
i sha'n't be gone long. you come too.

these words embody all that is simplicity in life...raking leaves, watching a mother lick her calf, watching water. and then, the narrator invites the person he loves to come with and experience the beauties of life. simple words, big meaning.

a pretty good recording (of couse, i think we do it better!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4syWiBEts0&feature=related

___________

the final words came from one of my special needs girls this week. we've always had a pretty close bond, and she took the news that we're leaving pretty hard. i'll post her whole letter later, but these words made me smile (and i quote), "you are the queen of the wind because you are so beautiful." ah...words from the heart. :)

Easter Cuties

We had a GREAT Easter weekend up at my Papa's house. Papa is planning to move in to my parent's house as soon as it's livable (they're currently building a house...hopefully be in by September!), so this was the last Easter hosted by Papa, so we tried to make it a big event. We had 19 of us in all, and 3 little kiddies! We ended up spending a lot of time with my cousin Erik, his wife Laura, and their beautiful two kids Olivia and Soren. Here are some highlights.

Saturday night was bath night, to get all cleaned up for Easter Church!

Almost the whole family came to Papa's in time for church.

Cute CUTE CUTE family. Soren's so happy here!

Amy and Chris were swinging Olivia after church.

We had a really fun Easter Egg Hunt. Here's Soren....

And Tyler (another cousin's beautiful boy!)...

And Olivia in her cute Easter outfit.

We had to put four tables together to fit everyone, and it was beautifully decorated by the ladies of the family.

Olivia decided she wanted to practice taking pictures, and these are some of my favorites!

Me with my little easter basket...

My Aunt Sue's better side (she's probably not happy with me for posting this...sorry!)

Papa's washer/dryer combo...didn't know your daughter was so artistic, did you Laura!?

Papa's "beautiful" comforter. According to Olivia, "It's beautiful pictures...So beautiful."

We loved spending time with everyone in my family over the weekend. It's amazing how quickly the craziness of life steals time from us...and before we know it, we haven't seen our family in months! This was a great reunion, and I left feeling blessed to be a part of this family.

BIRTHDAY!

So, my birthday was a while ago, and it was a great celebration. I wanted to share the letter that my hubby wrote me...he's a keeper!

**FYI: I love gushers! And, Chris gave me a bunch of money to go toward sky-diving in the next couple of months, so he became creative and came up with a poem called...

"Nicole the Gusher"
by Chris Farley

My wife is like a gusher because she's very sweet,
My wife is like a gusher because she smells good 'nuff to eat.
My wife is like a gusher because she's softer than wood,
My wife is like a gusher because she makes me feel good.
My wife is like a gusher because she's soft in the middle (I don't know if I like this one!)
My wife is like a gusher because if you squeeze, might get piddle.
My wife is like a gusher because there's more than you think,
My wife is like a gusher because because they're gone if you blink.
My wife is like a gusher because she loves them so much,
My wife is like a gusher because she's soft to the touch.
My wife is like a gusher because she's so cool,
My wife is like a gusher because you find them at school.
My wife is like a gusher because they make you say, YEA!
My wife is like a gusher because It's Her Birthday!

He then proceeded to write me an actually sweet card, but I loved his creativity. :)

He also sent me flowers and a balloon at school...



And brought me home a cake (which was gone by the time I took pictures!)

AND...I have enough money to go sky-diving! Quite exciting :)

The whole story, finally!

So, here's the whole story!

You read about my health issues on an earlier post...what I didn't include in that post is that my first surgery happened 3 days before Chris and I were scheduled to attend an Overseas Teaching Fair. We considered not going to the fair, but decide Chris could do the grunt work, and I would just show up for the interviews! So, after a Tuesday surgery, I showed up Friday afternoon in a wheel chair, in dress pants that won't button (because my stomach is too swollen!), and unable to use my ab muscles. It was definitely a challenge to my desire for control...God took it all away from me, handed it to Chris (my leader...what do you know?!), and reminded me that I am not, in fact, all-knowing!

We ended up getting a job offer during the weekend from Woodstock School, in Mussoorie, India. We felt VERY overwhelmed from everything (I actually cried at the meeting where they offered us the job! SO professional, huh?!), so we asked for a week to decide whether or not we wanted to take the job. Long story short, we said yes!

Fast forward six weeks. My cyst is back one week before we had planned to tell my school. Now that the craziness is over, I feel very relieved and it doesn't seem so stressful. We still don't know what's up with these cysts, but decided that God will take care of it, and if it's a serious health problem, we won't go. However, we feel that our time in Webster City is finished. It feels really good to be at the same place in a decision

And so, today I told the world that we're going to India. We got lots of responses...excitement, shock, many tears, hugs, "we're sad for us but happy for you!". Overall it was a great day. I cried for almost two class periods straight, and we actually ended up not even singing during one period, because we were all crying/depressed! But then I told them about the monkeys and scorpions, and things perked up. :)

So, here's the news! WE'RE MOVING TO INDIA! We'll be working in a K-12 International School as a General Music Teacher (Me) and Programmer (Chris). The students and staff live on campus, so it seems to be a camp/school atmosphere, since we act as surrogate parents during the school year. It will be an AMAZING experience. Oh yeah, did I mention we'll be living in the Himalayan Mountains? And, that I'll have a housekeeper (because of the caste system it's required!). I won't have to cook, clean, do laundry...I might get a little lazy! We leave July 15th. I actually started sorting clothes today...1) Winter clothes we don't want in India, 2) Winter clothes we might want in India, 3) Clothes we don't like enough to take or store. It was pretty fun.

There's the whole story. Basically, God is good!

Same-Sex Marriage Debate...WOW!

I’m still in shock that this is even happening. First of all, I want to say that I’ve struggled with the issue of homosexuality ever since I met (and grew to love!) people that identify themselves as homosexual. I’ve never struggled about whether it’s right or wrong, just…struggled. I guess I can see things from their point of view. That being said, I have wrestled with God, and have come to the understanding that it is not godly and is merely a product of our sinful world/culture/selves. I can safely say that it’s now a conviction, not just simply an opinion I swallowed at Sunday School.

SO, if you have come to the same conviction as me, let’s fight. Here’s some info.

1. The Iowa Marriage Amendment is STILL “passable”, and is also known as HJR6.
2. HJR 6 is the first step in giving Iowans the chance to vote to protect marriage, in response to the Supreme Court’s same-sex marriage ruling.
3. In order to debate HJR 6, the House must force it out of committee with a procedural vote
4. We need 8 more votes to allow the procedural vote to pass, and these are names of representatives that are “on the fence”.

Representative Brian Quirk – brian.quirk@legis.state.ia.us, 515.242.6436 (desk),

Home Address: 1011 Sunset St., New Hampton , IA , 50659

Representative Mike Reasoner – mike.reasoner@legis.state.ia.us, 515.281.3238 (desk),

Home Address: 702 New York Avenue , Creston , IA , 50801

Representative Kurt Swaim – kurt.swaim@legis.state.ia.us, 515.242.6417 (desk), 641.208.6330 (cell)

Home Address: 504 North Davis, Bloomfield , IA , 52537

Representative Larry Marek – larry.marek@legis.state.ia.us, 515.242.6442 (desk), 319.430.0294 (cell)

Home Address: 1741 Riverside Road , Riverside , IA , 52327

Representative Kerry Burt – kerry.burt@legis.state.ia.us, 515.281.7342 (desk), 319.215.8685 (cell)

Home Address: 150 Hawthorne Ave. , Waterloo , IA , 50702

Representative Wayne Ford – wayne.ford@legis.state.ia.us, 515.281.4061 (desk), 515.271.0605 (home)

Home Address: 3301 Cottage Grove Ave , Des Moines , IA 50311-3709

Representative Nathan Reichert – nathan.reichert@legis.state.ia.us, 515.281.7332 (desk), 563.571.5242 (cell)

Home Address: 1155 Iowa Avenue , Muscatine , IA , 52761

Representative Paul Shomshor – paul.shomshor@legis.state.ia.us, 515.281.7325 (desk),

Home Address: 3018 Avenue M, Council Bluffs , IA , 51501

Representative Phyllis Thede – phyllis.thede@legis.state.ia.us, 515.281.7336 (desk), 563.508.1773 (cell) Home Address: 2343 Hawthorne Court , Bettendorf , IA , 52722

I have e-mailed and sent a hand-written letter to each of these “on-the-fencers”….let’s all do our part! Here’s the letter I sent, maybe it’ll give you some ideas…

Dear Representative ___________,

I sincerely apologize for writing you at home, but I believe the issues at hand justify such action. Please provide a voice to Iowans who oppose the Same-Sex Marriage ruling, and vote to bring HJR 6 out of committee. I am 25 years old, and would appreciate the chance to express my opinion about the world in which my children will grow up.

Sincerely, a concerned citizen

The other person we should “bug” is Senate Majority Leader, Mike Gronstal. This guy is STUBBORN, and has said he won’t even allow the gay marriage law to even be debated in the senate. (the same thing happened in California, but the people made themselves heard and GOT RESULTS!). Let’s all give Mike a call, shall we?! Office #: 515-281-4610

I want to be very clear that I have many friends that live a homosexual lifestyle, and I love them dearly. However, the Bible is very clear that these actions are not godly, and it’s scary to think about the level to which these sins have infiltrated our culture, and become “the norm”. In reality, it’s no different than pornography or sexual promiscuity, or even LYING or CHEATING. We all sin, and we have to fight every day to make sure these sins don’t become mainstream in our lives. Let’s not let this one become mainstream in our culture.

**This information was viewed at the Iowa Family Policy Center’s website

The Craziness at Home!

We've been putting in a walk-in closet, and it has TURNED OUR HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN! I had no idea there was so much work involved in dry-wall, but apparently you have to mud and tape and mud and tape and mud and mud and sand and texture and prime and THEN you get to paint. My job is the painting, so I'm feeling a little unoccupied. Here are some fun pictures of hubby, though! He's so good at figuring out how to do this stuff...

Chitown with the Kiddies!

My posts lately have been so long...sorry! But, I figure if you don't want to read them, no one's making you, so here goes. This last weekend we had our band/choir trip to Chicago, and it was great! I'll go day-by-day, and throw in some pictures along the way.

THURSDAY:
4:00 PM - All students report to the high school, put their tags on their bags, and head to their bus
4:30 PM - We head out!
6:00 PM - Arrive in Johnston for an educational clinic. It was great, I think we really improved!
9:00 PM - Leave Johnston HS, go to Pump-It-Up (a big blow-up playground designed to WEAR THEM OUT!)
11:30 PM - Head out for Chicago!

It was a LONG, uncomfortable ride without much sleep. My favorite memory came around 3:00 AM...I was cuddled up UNDERNEATH our seats in the second row, and I was awakened by a group of choir boys singing "Prayer of the Children" at the top of their lungs. They continued to sing every choir song we've performed over the last couple of years...pleasant, huh?

I didn't take any pictures on the first leg of the trip, I was still in teacher mode!

FRIDAY:
6:30 AM - Arrive at a fast food restaurant, get dressed and ready for the day.
9:00 AM - Arrive at the Hancock Building to get a great view of Chicago..and, Katie met up with us!
11:00-3:00 PM - We had time to shop and walk around the Magnificent Mile. Got some cute tops! And, hung out at Borders to read a book on photography...I'm trying to become a better photographer, so I LOVE looking at pictures of our experiences.

4:00 PM - Saw the Blue Man Group...it was unreal, and everyone should go, especially if you're a kid at heart :)7:00 - 7:30 PM - Unload baggage at the hotel (which was so nice), then load the bus back up to go to Medieval Times.
8:30 PM - Experience Medieval Times!

11:30 PM - Lights Out

SATURDAY:
9:00 AM - Arrive at the Lincoln Zoo...lots of cute animals.


10:30 - 1:00 PM - Got dropped off with the possibility of eating at five different restaurants: Ed Debevics, Gino's East, Rainforest Cafe, Hardrock Cafe, and Rock 'n' Roll McDonalds. We ate lunch at Gino's, and dessert at Ed Debevics so we could experience both.

2:00 PM - Saw RENT...don't know how appropriate it was for a school function, but it was AWESOME!4:30 PM - Went to Millenium Park5:30 PM - Went to Navy Pier...ate supper, did some people watching, saw fireworks, etc.
9:30 PM - Back to the hotel...LOTS of chaperoning
11:30 PM - Lights out

SUNDAY:
9:30 AM - Drop the kiddies off at the train station, and let them make their way downtown to the Museum of Science and Industry. Amazingly, no one will be showing up on a milk carton after this weekend!
11:00 AM - To the Museum...it was pretty cool, but everyone was so tired they were definitely ready to go by the end.2:00 PM - End of the trip, back to WC!

It was a great trip, and I was so happy Chris got to come. Sometimes all I can see are the things my job makes me give up, but this trip is a great example of things I get to do that I wouldn't have without this job. Great experiences, great people, good times!

Beautiful Promises and Scary Times

SO much has happened since my last post. Isn't it weird, when you have weeks like that? I personally love when that happens, because my biggest pet peeve is ROUTINE. I HATE ROUTINE! Lately though, I hate to admit I've been craving a little routine in my life.

In a couple of weeks, I'm hoping that I'll be able to reveal the "whole story", or at least what may be the finished first chapter of the last couple of months. 2009 is going to be titled "The Year of Changes and Challenges" for the Farley duo. So, know that this story is just a part of what God's teaching me, and for some outside reasons, I can't quite disclose everything just yet. But, here's the page in this chapter that I can share!

In January I started experiencing some weird pains in my abdomen. I honestly didn't think anything of it....it actually started out feeling like indigestion that wouldn't go away. The next day, I couldn't lay on my side, and the day after that I couldn't bend over to tie my shoe. When I had to push myself up with my arms to get out of bed, Chris made me go to the doctor.

This situation was very scary for both of us and our families. I told our doctor the symptoms I was experiencing, and she immediately sent me to the hospital for some blood work and a CT scan. Before I had changed out of the tasteful gown they provided, they told me Dr. Mullis wanted to speak with me right away...mind you, it was 5:30 on a Thursday, when the clinic closed at 5:00. It was scary!

Chris came with, and the first words out of her mouth were, "Now, I don't want you to be too scared. This could really be anything...it could be a lymphoma..." That's all I heard, to be honest. I've always had this fantasy in my mind about the way I would respond to devastating news. I pictured myself being the godly heroine with long-term perspective, a soft smile and lots of turning to Jesus...in reality, my heart stopped beating, it felt like my ears were about to explode, and I saw my life flash before my eyes! It was really weird.

It turned out that it was NOT cancer at all, but it was a 4" cyst in the "mezzentary" area of my abdomen. They biopsied it and a lymph node right near the area, and everything came back benign. I recovered, and wnet back to work less than two weeks later...tackling that crazy time in any choir director's life that is the spring competition season!

This weekend marked the end of a 2 month push in my work life. Every weekend for the last two months, I've had a huge event. I came back to work the Monday before that first event, and the Monday before this last event the pains came back to me.

I waited, hoping they'd go away. Maybe it's scar tissue? Maybe it's just that the areas are readjusting after surgery? Three days of the pain though, and I decided to go in (on my own, I might add...a big step!). Blood work, CT scan, and it's back...bigger than before, and with fluids that now accompany my dear little friend. The first time we called it "Larry the Lump". This one's name is "Lucy". My friend calls is my little alien...

I can actually feel it this time, which is kind of fun! What's not fun is that I can't get a full breath, and I feel nauseous almost all the time. (don't worry, they checked and I'm not pregnant!). I have an appointment with the general surgeon tomorrow and then we're off to a specialist, either in Iowa City or Mayo.

Amazingly, I am NOT nervous at all. I really can't believe how much peace God has blessed me with, and feel closer to Him now than I have since I joined with work force. I am having a hard time really understanding it all, though. I have a hard time with concepts...I like to SEE everything...SEE results, SEE the people I talk to, SEE a finished project...I can't SEE Lucy! I can't see the possible impact this could have in our lives. I can't see Chris' emotions and fears. I guess God's growing some new skills in me, huh? Maybe patience...maybe new wisdom...maybe stronger empathy...maybe mental and physical fortitude...maybe a stronger tolerance for change...maybe being able to "let go" when I don't know the answer. I guess that's all we could ever hope for...that God not give up on our sinful selves, and do what He needs to do to get us to where we need to be! What a beautiful promise.