Our trip home has been WONDERFUL so far, and we're definitely feeling very blessed to be home. :) I will write a post about our time here and our Christmas celebrations...but tomorrow I'm transitioning from "vacation-home mode" to "work-home mode", so that's at the forefront of my mind.
We have officially informed Woodstock that we won't be returning next year. It was a hard decision emotionally, but we really didn't have any choice financially. Our house hasn't sold and we're currently using our savings to pay our mortgage each month...savings accounts don't fill up on their own, and ours is being quickly depleted. We need to make money!
That being said, we're starting to apply for jobs...write cover letters...adjust our resumes...fill out graduate school applications(slight possibility, but an exciting one!)...and it's SO time consuming! I really love change, though, so the prospect of next year is exciting. ESPECIALLY, because we will likely stay where we go next for a while. While I do love change, I'm also ready for some stability!
One of the things I've been working on is a general music website. It will primarily be used for my current student's and the work we do in class, but I'll also send it to potential future employers so they can get an idea of how I run my class/what kind of curriculum I've set up. It uses google apps, which Chris has just introduced into my life...it's really amazing, and he thinks schools will use it a lot in the future. :)
All this to say, I've got a date with my computer at Panera tomorrow, and I can't wait. :) Know any music job openings? Computer job openings? Send 'em our way! Oh, and Merry Be-lated Christmas!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
"Morning by Morning" and "Birthday Celebrations"
Morning by Morning
I've started praying for wisdom all the time. When I'm talking, eating, listening, worrying, falling asleep, all the time. I feeling the Lord's presence more and more, and my prayers have "birthed" two convictions so far.
1. Don't talk. I talk too much. I say things that are not full of wisdom and discernment. Sometimes I think they're wise, until I hear the reaction of the person I've said it to and realize that it's NOt what they need to hear at all. So, I've decided to stop myself from talking three times before I actually talk, and then ask God if He actually wants me to say anything at all. It's been an interesting experiment. :)
2. I need to meet with God in the morning. Every morning since I started asking the Lord for wisdom, He's woken me up an hour before I wanted to get up. At first I didn't necessarily realize it as His influence, and thought it was just jet lag. And, I got up the first few mornings because I wasn't tired. BUT, last night I went to bed after 1:00, and at 6:07 this morning I wake up for no reason. What time was the alarm set for? 7:15. I was SO tired! So, God and I argued, I ignored God, and went back to sleep.
In my quiet time later I started feeling really convicted, and am nervous that this may be the sacrifice God is asking of me. It feels like He's saying, "Nicole, start working out your salvation...GET UP!" I'll keep you updated on my early morning refinement.
Birthday Celebrations
On a completely different note, it was Chris' birthday yesterday! He and I could stand to work on our "event" celebrations...we tend to not make a big deal of birthdays/anniversaries/holidays. In some ways it takes a lot of pressure off, and we never really have unmet expectations...but when his birthday came and went and I hadn't done ANYTHING, I felt really sad. So, that's going to change! Tonight is his actual birthday celebration (we had a baby shower for Mike and Lianne last night, so displaced Chris' birthday party to tonight)...and I'm going to go do some research. We'll see what I come up with. :)
(This is us at his birthday last year...my man's 27 now!)
_________________________________________________________
Why I love my "Happy Birthday" Man...
I've started praying for wisdom all the time. When I'm talking, eating, listening, worrying, falling asleep, all the time. I feeling the Lord's presence more and more, and my prayers have "birthed" two convictions so far.
1. Don't talk. I talk too much. I say things that are not full of wisdom and discernment. Sometimes I think they're wise, until I hear the reaction of the person I've said it to and realize that it's NOt what they need to hear at all. So, I've decided to stop myself from talking three times before I actually talk, and then ask God if He actually wants me to say anything at all. It's been an interesting experiment. :)
2. I need to meet with God in the morning. Every morning since I started asking the Lord for wisdom, He's woken me up an hour before I wanted to get up. At first I didn't necessarily realize it as His influence, and thought it was just jet lag. And, I got up the first few mornings because I wasn't tired. BUT, last night I went to bed after 1:00, and at 6:07 this morning I wake up for no reason. What time was the alarm set for? 7:15. I was SO tired! So, God and I argued, I ignored God, and went back to sleep.
In my quiet time later I started feeling really convicted, and am nervous that this may be the sacrifice God is asking of me. It feels like He's saying, "Nicole, start working out your salvation...GET UP!" I'll keep you updated on my early morning refinement.
Birthday Celebrations
On a completely different note, it was Chris' birthday yesterday! He and I could stand to work on our "event" celebrations...we tend to not make a big deal of birthdays/anniversaries/holidays. In some ways it takes a lot of pressure off, and we never really have unmet expectations...but when his birthday came and went and I hadn't done ANYTHING, I felt really sad. So, that's going to change! Tonight is his actual birthday celebration (we had a baby shower for Mike and Lianne last night, so displaced Chris' birthday party to tonight)...and I'm going to go do some research. We'll see what I come up with. :)
(This is us at his birthday last year...my man's 27 now!)
_________________________________________________________
Why I love my "Happy Birthday" Man...
Chris is gracious and forgiving.
Chris is truly brilliant with all things computer. Almost every day
I stare at him in awe at least once.
Chris keeps me from taking life too seriously.
Chris is so very, VERY handsome. :)
Chris pushes me to be a better person.
Chris is going to be an amazing father.
Chris lets me be sad and grumpy, then makes a joke and makes me happy.
We can laugh and laugh and laugh.
He writes me gusher poems.
He moved halfway across the world with me...and we still like each other!
He's my bestest friend. :)
He loves me for ME.
He loves Jesus.
I love you Chris!
Chris is truly brilliant with all things computer. Almost every day
I stare at him in awe at least once.
Chris keeps me from taking life too seriously.
Chris is so very, VERY handsome. :)
Chris pushes me to be a better person.
Chris is going to be an amazing father.
Chris lets me be sad and grumpy, then makes a joke and makes me happy.
We can laugh and laugh and laugh.
He writes me gusher poems.
He moved halfway across the world with me...and we still like each other!
He's my bestest friend. :)
He loves me for ME.
He loves Jesus.
I love you Chris!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
On Our Drive...
We took a taxi from Mussoorie to Delhi so we could make sure we'd catch our flight to the states this last Wednesday...and it was SO much fun! I couldn't believe how entertaining it was. It ended up being an 8-hour drive, and other than the hour that I was under the influence of Dramamine, my senses were stimulated the entire time. Here are some of my favorite memories...
- There were multiple times when I counted five lanes of traffic on a two-lane road. At one point these five vehicles were comprised of a motorcycle with three men on it, two cars, a load of sugar cane being pulled by a water buffalo, and a tractor (and of course four bicycles in between).
- We passed a Buddhist monastery. The monks were sitting outside in their orange robes texting.
- A tractor was bringing a load of wooden beams to a construction site. The weight was so heavy in the back that the tractor's two front wheels came four feet off the ground. Apparently the tractors in India are made with separate brakes on the back wheels so that if a driver finds himself in this situation, he can still change direction by braking one wheel at a time.
- There were thousands of cylindrical brown cakes piled in rows along the side of the road. When Chris asked what they were, our taxi driver said they were cow-dung patties...the cheapest form of fuel! i was infatuated with how resourceful the locals still are, and thought it was really neat until I saw the women actually forming the patties with their bare hands.
- A motorcycle drove parallel with us for a good minute, pointing his camera phone in our faces the whole time. Annoying or flattering?!
- It's extremely common for men to urinate in public in Mussoorie and the surrounding areas. It's so common place that it doesn't even phase me to walk five feet behind a guy with his back turned, "taking care of business." I was shocked, though, to see a group of men urinating on a multi-million dollar bank building in the middle of Delhi. Is no place sacred?!
- We listened to Punjabi music almost the entire ride, and it's official: I LOVE Punjabi music!
- School had just been let out, and a group of uniformed girls were getting their daily ride home...on a wagon pulled by a tractor. No school buses here.
- We got stuck at a railroad crossing. Now, for most Mid-Westerners this is a fairly common occurence. We get a little impatient, call the people that are expecting us to explain our tardiness, and eventually arrive on the other side to be on our way. Indian railroad crossings are (as evidenced by this blog post) something to write home about. Picture with me if you will: north-bound cars on one side of the tracks, south-bound cars on the other side of the tracks...and ALL empty spaces on both sides of the road are filled. As son as the train passes and the barricades lift, three lanes of north-bound traffic stare at three lanes of south-bound traffic...and we have a stalemate. Just picture it!
- I asked our taxi driver what one thing he would change about India if he could. First he said, "When you want to change a million things, how could you pick just one?!" Then he talked about how he would love to change the voting process, and what a hopeless feeling it is to go to the polls and know that every option you have is corrupt. Do you vote for the lesser of seven evils? Do you refuse to participate?
- The taxi driver asked if we could take care of the payment before we got to the airport so we wouldn't catch the attention of the police. Apparently when they see money, they like to line their pockets as well. It's a different world the authorities that are supposed to be enforcing the law attract the most suspicion.
- There were multiple times when I counted five lanes of traffic on a two-lane road. At one point these five vehicles were comprised of a motorcycle with three men on it, two cars, a load of sugar cane being pulled by a water buffalo, and a tractor (and of course four bicycles in between).
- We passed a Buddhist monastery. The monks were sitting outside in their orange robes texting.
- A tractor was bringing a load of wooden beams to a construction site. The weight was so heavy in the back that the tractor's two front wheels came four feet off the ground. Apparently the tractors in India are made with separate brakes on the back wheels so that if a driver finds himself in this situation, he can still change direction by braking one wheel at a time.
- There were thousands of cylindrical brown cakes piled in rows along the side of the road. When Chris asked what they were, our taxi driver said they were cow-dung patties...the cheapest form of fuel! i was infatuated with how resourceful the locals still are, and thought it was really neat until I saw the women actually forming the patties with their bare hands.
- A motorcycle drove parallel with us for a good minute, pointing his camera phone in our faces the whole time. Annoying or flattering?!
- It's extremely common for men to urinate in public in Mussoorie and the surrounding areas. It's so common place that it doesn't even phase me to walk five feet behind a guy with his back turned, "taking care of business." I was shocked, though, to see a group of men urinating on a multi-million dollar bank building in the middle of Delhi. Is no place sacred?!
- We listened to Punjabi music almost the entire ride, and it's official: I LOVE Punjabi music!
- School had just been let out, and a group of uniformed girls were getting their daily ride home...on a wagon pulled by a tractor. No school buses here.
- We got stuck at a railroad crossing. Now, for most Mid-Westerners this is a fairly common occurence. We get a little impatient, call the people that are expecting us to explain our tardiness, and eventually arrive on the other side to be on our way. Indian railroad crossings are (as evidenced by this blog post) something to write home about. Picture with me if you will: north-bound cars on one side of the tracks, south-bound cars on the other side of the tracks...and ALL empty spaces on both sides of the road are filled. As son as the train passes and the barricades lift, three lanes of north-bound traffic stare at three lanes of south-bound traffic...and we have a stalemate. Just picture it!
- I asked our taxi driver what one thing he would change about India if he could. First he said, "When you want to change a million things, how could you pick just one?!" Then he talked about how he would love to change the voting process, and what a hopeless feeling it is to go to the polls and know that every option you have is corrupt. Do you vote for the lesser of seven evils? Do you refuse to participate?
- The taxi driver asked if we could take care of the payment before we got to the airport so we wouldn't catch the attention of the police. Apparently when they see money, they like to line their pockets as well. It's a different world the authorities that are supposed to be enforcing the law attract the most suspicion.
Truths for the HEART
Since we've been back in the states, both Chris and I have been on an emotional roller coaster. We're finally able to understand what God is doing in our life, what anxieties are holding our hearts, how we're being changed. Our old selves stare at us everywhere we go....through our family's eyes, through our friend's eyes, through my student's eyes. It's both exciting and exhausting to see the changes, especially since they're so far from complete. Being half way through one of God's "transitions" is hard!
For example, we've been surrounded by poverty, hunger, material simplicity for the last six months. I do, without a doubt, struggle with the sin of materialism...I have always wanted more than I have. So, I'm VERY excited to see that God has been slowly changing my heart this semester. The problem: He's not quite finished. :) I picture the end product as realizing things will never fill a void and therefore not desiring them. Right now I have the first half...but I still desire stuff. :) GRR!!!! It's actually really maddening, because my convicted heart and untrained head are at war all the time...and I'm therefore experiencing random feelings like jealousy, resentment, guilt, regret, pride, etc. etc. etc. I'm a basket case!
On another note, God has revealed some beautiful truths to my heart over the last few days.
Chris and I will be faced with a lot of decisions in the near future, and it's been feeling pretty daunting and scary. What if we choose wrong? What if we misunderstand God's leading and let our personal emotions get in the way? Yesterday morning God spoke to my heart through a bible study on the Promises of Wisdom. I've heard and prayed these verses before, but yesterday morning it was like my heart settled on this truth..."wisdom is worth more than all riches." "Really?" "YES! Wisdom is worth more than all riches!" Because God decided to bless us with financial hardship lately, my heart was open to this truth. Wisdom is worth more than ANYTHING!
And so, I started asking. Just one morning of asking, one day full with silent pleas for understanding and discernment, only one day to chew on the scripture so far...and it has made all the difference.
God woke me up this morning, and my FIRST thought was that I got to have time with Him. Friends, that hasn't happened since my sophomore year of college! I've been in spiritual distress for years...I've been praying and asking God to bring me out, to take my heart again, and it's slowly happening...and it feels so good.
Here's what He gave me this morning:
Lamentations 3:22-33
"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will WAIT for Him."
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him. It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. I t is good for a man to bear the yoke while He is young.
Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust - there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.
For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, for great is His unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men."
Truths for the heart:
1. The Lord is good to those who seek Him.
2. It is GOOD to wait quietly for the Lord.
3. It is GOOD for a man to bear the yoke while He is young.
4. The Lord brings grief...but He WILL show compassion.
5. God does not willingly bring affliction to His children (so when He does, it must be for a strong purpose!).
6. GREAT is his unfailing love.
I'm believing every one of those truths this morning, with my whole heart. It feels really good. :)
For example, we've been surrounded by poverty, hunger, material simplicity for the last six months. I do, without a doubt, struggle with the sin of materialism...I have always wanted more than I have. So, I'm VERY excited to see that God has been slowly changing my heart this semester. The problem: He's not quite finished. :) I picture the end product as realizing things will never fill a void and therefore not desiring them. Right now I have the first half...but I still desire stuff. :) GRR!!!! It's actually really maddening, because my convicted heart and untrained head are at war all the time...and I'm therefore experiencing random feelings like jealousy, resentment, guilt, regret, pride, etc. etc. etc. I'm a basket case!
On another note, God has revealed some beautiful truths to my heart over the last few days.
Chris and I will be faced with a lot of decisions in the near future, and it's been feeling pretty daunting and scary. What if we choose wrong? What if we misunderstand God's leading and let our personal emotions get in the way? Yesterday morning God spoke to my heart through a bible study on the Promises of Wisdom. I've heard and prayed these verses before, but yesterday morning it was like my heart settled on this truth..."wisdom is worth more than all riches." "Really?" "YES! Wisdom is worth more than all riches!" Because God decided to bless us with financial hardship lately, my heart was open to this truth. Wisdom is worth more than ANYTHING!
And so, I started asking. Just one morning of asking, one day full with silent pleas for understanding and discernment, only one day to chew on the scripture so far...and it has made all the difference.
God woke me up this morning, and my FIRST thought was that I got to have time with Him. Friends, that hasn't happened since my sophomore year of college! I've been in spiritual distress for years...I've been praying and asking God to bring me out, to take my heart again, and it's slowly happening...and it feels so good.
Here's what He gave me this morning:
Lamentations 3:22-33
"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will WAIT for Him."
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him. It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. I t is good for a man to bear the yoke while He is young.
Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust - there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.
For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, for great is His unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men."
Truths for the heart:
1. The Lord is good to those who seek Him.
2. It is GOOD to wait quietly for the Lord.
3. It is GOOD for a man to bear the yoke while He is young.
4. The Lord brings grief...but He WILL show compassion.
5. God does not willingly bring affliction to His children (so when He does, it must be for a strong purpose!).
6. GREAT is his unfailing love.
I'm believing every one of those truths this morning, with my whole heart. It feels really good. :)
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Homeward Bound!
I'm assuming you all remember the movie "Homeward Bound"...well, today Chris and I are LIVING that adventure! We're both as excited as puppies, wagging our on-existent tails, jumping up and down...because today we get to GO HOME!!!
We'll be attending last minute meetings until 11:00, then taking a taxi to Delhi at noon with our two friends Jenny and Megan. I'm SO excited about the taxi ride, since we'll get to see the countryside in such a new and up-close way! It is, however, a 9 hour drive...hopefully no one gets carsick!
And then we fly out at 12:55 AM, fly non-stop to Chicago, 2 hour layover and then on our way to MSP to meet my family. WAHOO!
We are feeling so blessed and excited...Iowa/snow/family/friends/big hugs, here we come!!!!!
We'll be attending last minute meetings until 11:00, then taking a taxi to Delhi at noon with our two friends Jenny and Megan. I'm SO excited about the taxi ride, since we'll get to see the countryside in such a new and up-close way! It is, however, a 9 hour drive...hopefully no one gets carsick!
And then we fly out at 12:55 AM, fly non-stop to Chicago, 2 hour layover and then on our way to MSP to meet my family. WAHOO!
We are feeling so blessed and excited...Iowa/snow/family/friends/big hugs, here we come!!!!!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Santa Breakfast Cuteness...
This morning (REALLY EARLY!) was the elementary Santa Breakfast, and it was FILLED with cuteness. :) All the kids worked really hard on their songs...and here are the results!
4th Grade Orff Ensemble with 1/2/3rd Grade Singers
"Dance of the Snow Princess"
5th Grade Recorders
"Recorder Rondo Re-Write"
ECP/KG Singers
"Snowpants"
4th Grade Orff Ensemble with 1/2/3rd Grade Singers
"Dance of the Snow Princess"
5th Grade Recorders
"Recorder Rondo Re-Write"
ECP/KG Singers
"Snowpants"
Thursday, December 10, 2009
What's been going on...
Christmas Chapel
Traditionally, I guess the Christmas Chapel hasn't been anything special at Woodstock. Just a time to sing Christmas songs and hear a message, then go home. This year one of the new staff decided within the first month that he wanted to "take on the challenge", and put together a Nine Lessons and Carols Program. Last weekend we saw the results, and it was so neat!
We performed in the new gym (the first performance ever, YAY!), and involved 4 choirs, the orchestra and a student brass ensemble. I directed the Middle School Choir and Staff Choir, and then played piano or kept time for the rest of the pieces. Here are my crazy middle schoolers. :)
It was a neat time to be together as a community and celebrate Christmas. YAY!
Quad Presentations
Every year, each elementary grade puts on a Christmas presentation/play during the last week. So, every morning this week the entire Quad School (ECP-8th Grade) has gathered together in the Quad (main area of the school) to watch the various presentations. Monday - ECP/KG, Tuesday - Gr. 1/2/3, Wednesday - Gr. 4a, Thursday - Gr. 4b, Friday - Gr. 5. They were all SO good and really entertaining! They also all included music, so I got to be involved in 3 of them, helping with the singing/accompanying. VERY impressive! Here are some pictures from the ECP/KG (they did the "Elves and the Shoemaker")...Check out the Endo's blog for more ADORABLE pictures/video!
Friendship Club Christmas Party
This semester I've been helping to lead Friendship Club, which is a Christian Club for the elementary students. We do scripture memory, have music, story, and a craft every week. It's been a lot of fun, and yesterday we had our Christmas Party! Here are some of my favorite pictures. :)
I'm so sad this turned out blurry...they're just beautiful!
Merry Christmas!
Traditionally, I guess the Christmas Chapel hasn't been anything special at Woodstock. Just a time to sing Christmas songs and hear a message, then go home. This year one of the new staff decided within the first month that he wanted to "take on the challenge", and put together a Nine Lessons and Carols Program. Last weekend we saw the results, and it was so neat!
We performed in the new gym (the first performance ever, YAY!), and involved 4 choirs, the orchestra and a student brass ensemble. I directed the Middle School Choir and Staff Choir, and then played piano or kept time for the rest of the pieces. Here are my crazy middle schoolers. :)
It was a neat time to be together as a community and celebrate Christmas. YAY!Quad Presentations
Every year, each elementary grade puts on a Christmas presentation/play during the last week. So, every morning this week the entire Quad School (ECP-8th Grade) has gathered together in the Quad (main area of the school) to watch the various presentations. Monday - ECP/KG, Tuesday - Gr. 1/2/3, Wednesday - Gr. 4a, Thursday - Gr. 4b, Friday - Gr. 5. They were all SO good and really entertaining! They also all included music, so I got to be involved in 3 of them, helping with the singing/accompanying. VERY impressive! Here are some pictures from the ECP/KG (they did the "Elves and the Shoemaker")...Check out the Endo's blog for more ADORABLE pictures/video!
Friendship Club Christmas Party
This semester I've been helping to lead Friendship Club, which is a Christian Club for the elementary students. We do scripture memory, have music, story, and a craft every week. It's been a lot of fun, and yesterday we had our Christmas Party! Here are some of my favorite pictures. :)
We did the "stomp the balloon" game, where you tie a balloon to your ankle and then try to pop everyone else's balloons by stomping on them. Guess who was the first one out? (yep...I was too busy taking pictures!)
Carlos was trying to avoid the action by sitting on the side. It worked until the 4th grade teacher decided to stomp his balloon in the air. :)
This is the son of one of the helpers...he decided to pose for me. :) This is one of MANY different poses!
I'm so sad this turned out blurry...they're just beautiful!
Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Elementary Music Games...
SO, this is the last week of school at Woodstock before the kiddies go down, and it's FILLED with Christmas Carols, laughter, cookies, secret santa exchanges, elementary plays, movies being watched in classes (we watched Sister Act 2 in Middle School Choir today!), and...end of the semester PARTIES! We're having parties in elementary general music this week, and I decided to find some games for the kids to play. That way we could have a party AND keep learning. Here are some of my favorites!!!
Piggy Saves the Music
Flying Instruments
Orchestra Game
12 Steps Game
Treble and Bass Clef Space Invaders
Lines and Spaces Battleship
Create-A-Critter
Compose Your Own
Flying Instruments
Orchestra Game
12 Steps Game
Treble and Bass Clef Space Invaders
Lines and Spaces Battleship
Create-A-Critter
Compose Your Own
These are great stress relievers, and I think you should ALL try them out, no matter your musical background! Needless to say, we had a blast in class (they especially liked the piggy game). :) I really like my job...
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Tomato-Tomato(e!)...It's NOT the same!
I've been back and forth so many times lately that I really don't quite know what I think anymore. Before this year, I would NEVER have wanted to teach elementary general music. I'm ashamed to admit it, but it felt like general music was for teachers who didn't have enough talent to teach ensembles. (I know, an ugly confession!). This year though, I have TOTALLY changed.
So now I'm struggling. I LOVED teaching high school choir, with all my heart. I LOVED the moments where we made great music, loved picking music that would challenge and give them success at the same time, loved the relationships I built with the students. I thought I had found my calling, and wanted to get a masters/doctorate/maybe even teach at the collegiate level. And then, we came to India.
And now, I LOVE general music. I love the relationships I have with these little kids, the creative things we can do, the daily challenge it is to keep them learning WHILE keeping them interested. They retain information so well, are so energetic and excited about new things! And, I would NEVER get bored...I know I would always be able to get MORE creative or have BETTER units or have COOLER projects.
So, I've started a list of pros and cons (which, of course NEVER work because you somehow manage to focus on the pros and minimize the cons...but here goes).
High School Music
PROS
- The relationships with the students can be SO deep and meaningful...you create great things together, and there's a bond that inevitably follows.
- You can make REALLY neat music, which is worshipful in and of itself.
- There are REALLY neat opportunities for performances: variety shows, musicals, concerts, community performances.
- Endless possibilities...I could make the program as COOL as I wanted to. :)
- This job just "works" with my personality and skills. I don't have to try real hard, so I can focus on the people instead of the things.
CONS
- There's a lot of outside-of-school time that goes with the type of high school program that I would want to direct.
- Musicals. (PERIOD!) 3 months out of the year, 3 nights a week, 3 hours a night. Ugh!
- Basically...it's all about time. I would be giving up mornings with my family, nights with my family, weekends with my family.
Elementary School
PROS
- The kids are AWESOME, and I would definitely get my daily quota of hugs.
- It would keep me young forever.
- There's no end of fun challenges...tons of professional development...the only way I would ever get bored was if I got lazy.
- SO many great resources, and tons of really fun performance opportunities. Elementary musicals, fun patriotic shows, etc. etc.
- Not much outside-of-school time (at least not scheduled time - there would be more daily prep, but not time when I had to be with kids outside of school. I choose my outside hours).
- Much more family-friendly.
CONS
- It doesn't "feed my soul."
- The relationships with the students seem (this may be a misconception!) more superficial...less impactful (at least where they'll remember it).
- More "organizing", less "making music".
- I would really miss creating quality music...long-term, it would be really hard for me.
- I'm less naturally skills at this job...I have to work harder to be good at it, which makes it more tiring/discouraging at times.
It almost feels like I'm choosing between two COMPLETELY different careers. They're both music teaching jobs, but they are 101% different! The problem is, I LOVE both of them.
The only thing I can say with certainty is that I'm supposed to teach...I LOVE having students, I LOVE seeing the "light bulb come on", I LOVE the challenge that I face every day, no matter what age or class I'm teaching.
So, I want feedback. What are the "most important" things here? If you've lived more of life than I have, what are the things you've NEVER regretted giving up (or choosing over something else). Where am I believing/accepting lies?
Just like the song says, "You say music teacher, I say music teacher...let's call the whole thing off!" I don't want to call it off...I just wish they really were the same thing.
So now I'm struggling. I LOVED teaching high school choir, with all my heart. I LOVED the moments where we made great music, loved picking music that would challenge and give them success at the same time, loved the relationships I built with the students. I thought I had found my calling, and wanted to get a masters/doctorate/maybe even teach at the collegiate level. And then, we came to India.
And now, I LOVE general music. I love the relationships I have with these little kids, the creative things we can do, the daily challenge it is to keep them learning WHILE keeping them interested. They retain information so well, are so energetic and excited about new things! And, I would NEVER get bored...I know I would always be able to get MORE creative or have BETTER units or have COOLER projects.
So, I've started a list of pros and cons (which, of course NEVER work because you somehow manage to focus on the pros and minimize the cons...but here goes).
High School Music
PROS
- The relationships with the students can be SO deep and meaningful...you create great things together, and there's a bond that inevitably follows.
- You can make REALLY neat music, which is worshipful in and of itself.
- There are REALLY neat opportunities for performances: variety shows, musicals, concerts, community performances.
- Endless possibilities...I could make the program as COOL as I wanted to. :)
- This job just "works" with my personality and skills. I don't have to try real hard, so I can focus on the people instead of the things.
CONS
- There's a lot of outside-of-school time that goes with the type of high school program that I would want to direct.
- Musicals. (PERIOD!) 3 months out of the year, 3 nights a week, 3 hours a night. Ugh!
- Basically...it's all about time. I would be giving up mornings with my family, nights with my family, weekends with my family.
Elementary School
PROS
- The kids are AWESOME, and I would definitely get my daily quota of hugs.
- It would keep me young forever.
- There's no end of fun challenges...tons of professional development...the only way I would ever get bored was if I got lazy.
- SO many great resources, and tons of really fun performance opportunities. Elementary musicals, fun patriotic shows, etc. etc.
- Not much outside-of-school time (at least not scheduled time - there would be more daily prep, but not time when I had to be with kids outside of school. I choose my outside hours).
- Much more family-friendly.
CONS
- It doesn't "feed my soul."
- The relationships with the students seem (this may be a misconception!) more superficial...less impactful (at least where they'll remember it).
- More "organizing", less "making music".
- I would really miss creating quality music...long-term, it would be really hard for me.
- I'm less naturally skills at this job...I have to work harder to be good at it, which makes it more tiring/discouraging at times.
It almost feels like I'm choosing between two COMPLETELY different careers. They're both music teaching jobs, but they are 101% different! The problem is, I LOVE both of them.
The only thing I can say with certainty is that I'm supposed to teach...I LOVE having students, I LOVE seeing the "light bulb come on", I LOVE the challenge that I face every day, no matter what age or class I'm teaching.
So, I want feedback. What are the "most important" things here? If you've lived more of life than I have, what are the things you've NEVER regretted giving up (or choosing over something else). Where am I believing/accepting lies?
Just like the song says, "You say music teacher, I say music teacher...let's call the whole thing off!" I don't want to call it off...I just wish they really were the same thing.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
I'm tired.
So, I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking and contemplating and trying to figure out what I'm ACTUALLY feeling...of trying to discern what is the foremost issue I'm dealing with, as opposed to all the "other ones" that are clouding my ability to pray/think/contemplate/deal with things pointedly. It's jarring to have things you'd come to accept about yourself be suddenly challenged and changed. Sometimes I wonder if I actually know myself at all!
Lately, I feel tired on all levels: physically, emotionally, spiritually. Physically, school has been really busy...lots of running and juggling schedules and making sure all the bases are covered but never being able to stretch quite far enough, and inevitably letting someone down or something slip in the process. Emotionally, I'm so ready to go home. I'm ready to see family, to stop thinking about the future for a few weeks, to stop trying to figure everything out, to stop trying to convince myself that all these challenges are "good for me" (of course, they are...it's just tiring to face challenges all the time. :) ). I'm tired of convincing myself that "Well, I can't do anything about it, so I'd best just accept/embrace it." Spiritually, I feel so tired of trying to discern God's will, and not feeling confident that I can. Does God has specific wills for each of our lives? Or, does he have a general will that all we just work to be more Christ-like within life's circumstances? I know God won't mess up...but what if I do?!
Now, my mind knows the answer: it's good for me. It really is good for me, and I actually do know that. And...have no fear. I won't give up, get down on life, get depressed, or "lose it". But I will say it: I'm tired. :)
So, I'm going to go to sleep now. Maybe I'll stop being so tired!
Lately, I feel tired on all levels: physically, emotionally, spiritually. Physically, school has been really busy...lots of running and juggling schedules and making sure all the bases are covered but never being able to stretch quite far enough, and inevitably letting someone down or something slip in the process. Emotionally, I'm so ready to go home. I'm ready to see family, to stop thinking about the future for a few weeks, to stop trying to figure everything out, to stop trying to convince myself that all these challenges are "good for me" (of course, they are...it's just tiring to face challenges all the time. :) ). I'm tired of convincing myself that "Well, I can't do anything about it, so I'd best just accept/embrace it." Spiritually, I feel so tired of trying to discern God's will, and not feeling confident that I can. Does God has specific wills for each of our lives? Or, does he have a general will that all we just work to be more Christ-like within life's circumstances? I know God won't mess up...but what if I do?!
Now, my mind knows the answer: it's good for me. It really is good for me, and I actually do know that. And...have no fear. I won't give up, get down on life, get depressed, or "lose it". But I will say it: I'm tired. :)
So, I'm going to go to sleep now. Maybe I'll stop being so tired!
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