Monday, August 24, 2009

My Grams

My dear, sweet grandma died yesterday afternoon after suffering a brain hemorrhage during the night. I, unfortunately, comprehend things most when I'm physically present, so it's still so hard for me to believe it's true. Tears are constantly streaming down my face, but my mind keeps saying "it can't be true, she'll still be there with her crazy smile and big hugs when I get home at Christmas"...but she won't be, and my heart hurts.

Outside my immediate family and Chris, grandma will always hold the place of "most impacting individual" in my life. She taught me life lessons that no one but a grandma can teach. I learned what it looks like to be hard-working AND people-oriented. I learned what it looks like to love everyone you come in contact with. I learned that if people are "attention-seekers", they must need attention...so give it to them! I learned that it's possible to forgive people who do you wrong...40 times 40. I learned that you really can get all the love you need from God, and that His love really will fill you to overflowing. And I learned that I have SO much more to learn.

I'm most sad for those of us that are left here, because we don't get to learn from her anymore. But, I'm not sad for her. I PRAISE Jesus, because she was healthy these last two weeks. She'd been suffering from crippling headaches, lethargy, forgetfulness...and the last time I was with her, I could sense discouragement slowly seeping into her soul. Her body didn't keep up with her spirit, and it was crushing her. Thank you, Lord, for giving her this last gift of a healthy body. She always said she wanted to die working, and she got to.

I'll miss you, grandma. So much. I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you when you left, but I'll see you again, and we'll giggle and hug and cuddle and be crazy like we always did. I'm glad you're not in any more pain.

Grams, these are the things I'll remember most. Thank you for being a lover of the little things...they made all the difference.

- Pressing down on your vericose veins while we held hands and talked.
- Barely touching your side and making you scream 'cause it tickled so much.
- Ice cream sandwiches and Lawrence Welk on Saturday nights.
- Trips to Sam's on the 4-wheeler
- Picking WAY too much sweet corn than we should eat, and then eating it all anyway.
- Having a fellow strawberry lover.
- Norwegian prayers
- Waves goodbye
- Sewing projects when I'd come up over the summer
- Electric kisses
- Giggling in bed
- Baby's Boat's a Silver Moon....
- Never complain, always smile
- Fresh bread baking
- Swimming in the baby pool in our bras
- Freezing things from the garden
- Searching through your huge box of mittens/hats/scarves to get all bundled up to make snow forts
- Precious Moments
- "Hey, Good Lookin' "
- Haircuts in the kitchen
- Church every Sunday, without fail
- Your "green thumb" that I definitely didn't inherit. :)
- Never being able to get you to sit down for an entire meal.
- Watering your flowers every night
- Every little kid in the WORLD loved you.
- Your response to compliments..."sickening, isn't it?!"
- Life is really good.
- Blue trident gum in your black leather purse
- Crazy doll in the attic
- The Polyanna Board Game and crazy men waddling down the cutting board
- You never once yelled, and I never once wanted to disobey

Thank you for the big things, too. You taught us how to love, how to deal with pain, how to forgive and truly forget, how to lean on Jesus in everything. I loved you as much as anyone could love their grandma, and my whole heart misses you right now. I hope you know how much you're loved.

15 comments:

Rachel Farley said...

She truly was a beautiful woman of God. What sweet memories you have of her! I wish I would have gotten to spend more time with you guys together. I remember getting an "electric kiss" when she was visiting sometime!

Your words would have meant the world to her.

I love you girl and will continue praying.

Jenna said...

So sorry for your loss, Nicole! I love your list of memories - so sweet. I'm praying for you!

Unknown said...

I'm sorry Nicole. I know how you love her. We're praying for you. Love you!

Cindy said...

Nicole, I am so sorry about your loss, but rejoicing knowing that she is now with her King. She was an amazing lady and it was an honor to be able to know her. She was a sweet sweet lady. I am praying for you in these difficult days ahead. I love you.

Joanna Kay said...

Oh Nicole, I am praying for you honey! I'm so thankful you had a Grandma like that. My own Grandpa died this past spring and there is still (and always will be) a void in my heart that he filled with his spirit. Our Grandparents have laid down steps for us to follow in faith and life. I pray that you will continue to learn from your Grandma even though she is gone from this world. Praying for you sweet friend!

Unknown said...

I am so sorry, Nicole.I recently heard a minister say at a friends funeral,"His soul grew too big for his body." It sounds like your grandma was that kind of person. Love you, Muriel

Yvonne Farley said...

What a tribute to your Grandma. She is so funtunate to have a Granddaughter like you! Oh - that I would have a Granddaughter speak such kinds word of me when my time comes. Bless you Nicole. I love you, Yvonne

Unknown said...

Yes, thank you for sharing your treasured memories of your times together. I'm sure your family and her other loved ones will read that and be reminded of times they had with her too and be blessed by it.

Amy LaVonne said...

I so wish that I could be there with you and hug you! It has been so hard to go through life normally because I can't do anything if I think about it so I just go go go and then break down at night. I hope that you have been able to get time to think and cope a little. She will be missed so much but she sure would be saying "sickening, isn't it" if she heard us all right now. :) I love you so so much Nicole.

Bill Kinzie said...

A moving tribute to a wonderful soul!
Thanks for sharing the little things that she did to influence your life. She will be even more persuasive in all our lives because she now lives larger in eternity's love. Her memory will be a sweet fragrance that infuses and directs us through the Spirit. Blessings!

STEPHANIE. said...

wow Nicole! This is an absolutely beautiful post, it made me tear up. What a wonderful grandmother she must be to sit and come up with a list like this. I have never met her, but from this list she made me laugh, cry, and smile. She seems very inspiring. I never had grandparents close to me, what a blessing it is to have someone like her. I am very sorry for your loss, but you seem to have a super great attitude about everything. It has to be so hard being away from your family at this time. Although it sounds like you take after her being the strong women you are. hugs to you. :)

Jennifer @ JenniferDukesLee.com said...

I came here very randomly on a blog search for something, related to prayer. And now I know that it's wasn't so "random" after all that I landed her at "the Little Things." I will add myself to the people praying for you.

It's a painful thing to lose a grandparent -- no matter how old they are. Sounds like your Grams was extra-special. May you feel God's arms wrapping around you. And when you close your eyes, may you envision her enjoying Heavenly sweet corn, fresh bread, electric kisses, and acres of flowers that she can water or just admire ...

Grace and peace to you.

Pam Schmidt said...

Soooo sorry Nicole, such a bitter sweet loss. When we come into the world we are screaming and afraid of the new world and when we leave we smile and at peace knowing we are free at last. That's what your Grandma is doing smiling because she is free at last and she knows she will see you again.
All my love sweet friend. Consider this a hug! Pam

Pam Schmidt said...

Soooo sorry Nicole, such a bitter sweet loss. When we come into the world we are screaming and afraid of the new world and when we leave we smile and at peace knowing we are free at last. That's what your Grandma is doing smiling because she is free at last and she knows she will see you again.
All my love sweet friend. Consider this a hug! Pam

Erika said...

Nicole, I've been praying for you and your family :( Sooooo sorry for your loss!!! I lost my dear grandpa 2 years ago and it was sudden as well...it was soooo hard. I will continue to pray for you especially being so far away....:(