This last month has been an absolute whirlwind.
Since we got back from our
wonderful break to the United States and Hong Kong, life has gotten back to...ANYTHING but "normal". A couple posts ago I wrote about the school offering to pay our mortgage if we stayed. WHAT A BLESSING! What I didn't write is that even with that huge blessing, we're still in a really tight financial situation. Our savings will be completely depleted after this month (which means we don't have any money to come back into the states with and we'll have to borrow money to keep paying our bills), and we still have a hefty amount of student loans to pay off. Enter: the delicate balance of realizing that money is not eternal while still being financially responsible.
One of our biggest goals since we've been married is to pay off all student loans before we start a family....and in the last couple of months, the baby bug has been a-bitin'! We're both getting so ready to start a family, to start seriously looking into adoption, to jump head-long into that new phase of life! But again, it all takes money!
Can you tell that I hate money?
I feel so excited to finally be able to tell the whole story...here we go!
Since we got back we've been really up and down about what we were supposed to do, and we REALLY didn't have any sort of deadline. It was extremely draining to be in such an in-between state...having no long-term focus...not knowing where to invest my energy and emotions and dreams. So, we just kept applying for jobs back in the states, all the while assuming with our words and actions and hearts that we were staying here.
Two weekends ago I was contacted by the Roland-Story superintendent (which is where I went to school) , and granted an interview for the elementary GM position. The previous teacher was retiring after 30 years, and this is one of those positions that will ONLY come up every NEVER-so-often...Roland-Story has amazing teacher retention, and everyone wants to get in! So, I was pretty excited. I had the interview last Wednesday, and last Thursday they called and offered me the job.
And, we had EXTREMELY conflicting emotions. We LOVE being here...this semester has felt so different, and we could definitely see ourselves staying here for a long time! BUT, our money situation is what it is, and we can only do so much with $600 a month. :) SO, Chris decided to meet with the Woodstock Superintendent to see if he could work something out that would allow us to stay.
He went to ask for a small raise...something that would at least allow us to pay a little bit extra on our student loans and make some sort of headway while we were here. What he GOT was a tentative offer to pay off our student loans if we would stay for two more years. WHAT?!?!?!?!?! This was the Superintendent's offer, and we were ECSTATIC. He said he was "almost positive" that he could make this happen, but would just need the weekend to work out the details and could let us know on Monday. Roland-Story had only given us 24 hours to decide, but after hearing our situation they gave us an extension...and we waited.
And meanwhile, we dreamed. We talked with our families, worked through some crazy emotions, and got really excited about staying. It has been AMAZING to see how God has changed our hearts since January. Back then we "couldn't" stay, but didn't really mind all that much. And suddenly, our hearts are leaping with excitement about the possibility of staying for 2 more years. God is a powerful God., and I've learned that with prayer, He can definitely change the hardest of hearts!
Weekend's over: Monday 5:00 PM - we find out that there was absolutely nothing that he could do for us (not even a small raise), and we're suddenly going home.
Honestly, we were both in shock. While being with our families again is SO exciting, it has felt wonderful knowing we're in the midst of God's will. And right when we thought we knew what His will was and that we were about to see an amazing display of His exceeding provision, everything has changed.
So, we're coming home in July. In a few paragraphs I'm going to tell all the reasons why I'm SO EXCITED to be going home...but right now I have to say that I'm really mourning the end of our time here. I love these kids. I love my schedule. I love my job. I love morning assemblies and singing praise songs with crazy motions. I love that we got to lead a retreat last weekend and dress up like super-heroes. I love that we have "family-friends". I love that life is hard, and the little things (like grapes, broccoli, lettuce) are SO exciting. I love that we have to make everything from scratch. I love that we've grown so much in just 7 short months. I love that we have to depend on God for so much, and that Chris and I are the closest we've ever been. And honestly, I'm SO scared to leave all this.
I've realized how hard it is to live a n impassioned life for Christ in the midst of the "normal" and the "daily" and the "everyday". And, I'm wondering if that's the next big challenge that God has for us. While we were in Hong Kong, my cousin's husband Jason received a "word" for us from the Holy Spirit...and it was "Don't settle for the status quo." At that moment we assumed the Lord meant to stay in India, that THAT was the way that we could not settle for the status quo. But what if He meant that while we were SURROUNDED by the status quo, that we were to strain against it? What does it even look like for American-Christians to be passionate and blazing and ridiculously in love with their Lord in the midst of comfort and "plenty"? It is, after all, easy to say that Jesus is "more than enough" when we've always had food in our bellies and clothes on our back.
Do you ever wonder how much our culture affects us? Can we really know what it looks like to be "on-fire" when all our physical needs are met...and not just met but EXCEEDED... ABUNDANTLY! Where "shopping" is a past-time and going out to eat is normal? Where not being able to buy what we want "right now" feels oppressive? Where it's rare for someone to make their food from scratch...where making food becomes a hobby for some, because we've never known hunger? Is our "on-fire" actually the Lord's "luke-warm"? When was the last time we saw a starving person in the United States? How can we refuse to become complacent and comfortable, when physical suffering and need is thousands of miles away? And, have we EVER really claimed the power of the Holy Spirit? When we raise our hands in service during church on Sunday morning, do we ever expect to actually sacrifice in service to the Lord? I KNOW there are answers to these questions...and I felt like I was on the way to finding some answers...but suddenly our time here is being cut short, and I just don't feel ready to re-enter a culture that I my passion grow cold.
I wanted to clarify: these "msuings" are what I'm going through right now, and not meant as a condemnation of American culture or people in it...I SEE people living their lives for Jesus back home! My head knows it's possible, but it's always been really hard for me to keep passion burning in my heart when there are so many visual/material distractions. These are my personal thoughts, and are not meant to seem pointed or judgmental of my home culture...only the way that my sinful nature has responded to it in the past. Okay, there's that. Needless to say, I think I'll be pondering these questions and emotions for years to come...but I am determined do whatever needs to be done to offer my sinful nature up to the Lord as we re-enter American society. Apparently, we're in for some reverse culture shock! I'm nervous...I may need some help. :)
But now, as promised: I am SO excited about being back with family! I've so missed the sweet times of fellowship and just "being" together...sharing a meal or a Friday night hang-out, being able to call them whenever I want to. I'm SO excited to be able to spend countless hours with our new nephew Ben...and hopefully to spend countless more hours with future nieces and nephews! I'm excited to join my sister in new stages of her life, to possibly have Matthew back home in Iowa, to be with mom and dad as they work on and finish their new house. I'm so excited to have our puppies back! I'm super excited to ride in Tom's new boat, to explore my new love of from-scratch cooking with Rach, to paint Tom and Yvonne's house, and to just spend hours in conversation with the people I love most.
I'm also really excited about this GM job...there are ENDLESS possibilities for improvement, and already my creative juices are a-flowing! I'm going to be looking into the possibility of getting my coaching license (I've loved coaching this year!), and am also looking into on-line masters degrees. AND, I'm SO excited about becoming financially FREE. The thought of paying our last student loan payment is extremely motivating. :) I'm excited about having babies and staying home, and hopefully adopting a couple in the not-so-distant future!
And, while it isn't ending up the way we thought it would (right now at least), I'm excited that Chris and I have experience a complete heart-change about living overseas for extended periods of time. While it won't happen again for a while, we both now have an intense desire to understand God's heart for the nations, and we hope to be able to grow that passion in ourselves and the people God will put in our lives. I've been dreaming about short-term mission trips, preparing "world" Bible studies, getting involved with other cultures at home...the possibilities are endless!
Anyone want to work at Woodstock School in Mussoorie, India?! It's a crazy ride...but it'll seriously change your life. :)
