Our complicated life

So, today I'm sick. :(  I came down with the flu yesterday, and swear that my tonsils are touching right now - they're so swollen!  But, despite being relegated to my bed because I'm too weak to stand for more than a couple of minutes, I'm already really enjoying the time off from life.  We've had a lot going on lately, and it seems like a good day to "just process". 

Still Transitioning...
Yesterday Chris made the comment that he feels like he's been "ruined" for life here in the U.S.  There are definitely many moments that I agree.  Life here is so completely incompatible with everything we saw during our year in India.  And the most frustrating part is that we don't know what we can do to help the transition along.  Grr!


Perspectives...
Back and forth, back and forth, but we've finally decided to take (and stick with!) the Perspectives Class offered through Cornerstone.  It's an intense study of God's Mission heart, and how he has ALWAYS (even in O.T.) been a God with a heart for the nations.  We've only been there one time, but met some really great people that are living for the nations from right here in Ames. :)  

Professional Development...
This year I'm up for license renewal - which means that I NEED some serious credits!  In Iowa you need 6 Continuing Education Credits before you can renew, so I'm finally getting after it...and it's exciting!  I like that I have to take classes.  They're so expensive that I know there would always be a reason to put it off...but I can't anymore!  Big question right now: should I just get some certifications (Work toward Kodaly Certification through Drake), or should I start a master's degree?  Both are basically a 3-summer commitment, but the certifications are only 10 days/summer, while the master's degree is about a month.

Foster Care...
We're moving ahead to get our Foster Care certification.  In all honesty though, I have NO idea what this will look like for us.  We're contemplating starting our own family in the somewhat near future, and our home right now has only 2 bedrooms...which would make it impossible to have a baby and a foster child.  There are some other things we're processing, but we're going to get certified and then go from there.  At least then the doors will be open!


Debt...
Is NOT going so well.  We've had so many expenses since moving back that we literally are living paycheck to paycheck...and neither of us are spending much money on ourselves!  Okay - take that back - I guess I did go visit Matthew in Chile. :)  But other than that, stuff seems to steal our money, and we can't do anything about it.  Hopefully things are almost settled and we'll be able to use our money the way WE want to!

My Job...
I couldn't love my job any more than I do.  I've finally gotten to a good emotional place where I'm able to do the best I can right now, while being able to acknowledge that I could get so much better.  And then, it's just exciting!  It's SO much fun to see a first grader get a concept that I never thought they'd be able to grasp...and then see them do it without any help from me!  And having a kindergarten student tell me in the hall, "Mrs. Farley, I sang Little Bunny Foo Foo for my family last night at supper!" melts my heart.  Not quite sure why, but I'm kind of in love. :)

Church... 
We decided to settle at Cornerstone Church for now.  We had been going to Grand Avenue Baptist for a while, but in the end decided that Cornerstone would be better for our transitioning period.  The biggest problem: it's HUGE!  Community doesn't happen organically, and we're having to put a lot more effort into making friends at Cornerstone than we did at Grand Avenue.  We're visiting small groups right now though, which helps us to meet people.  Hopefully we'll find one that's a perfect fit and get plugged in fairly quickly!



Dreams (or lack thereof?)...
I've been reading the book "Radical", and spending lots of time reflecting on the statement "to live is Christ and to die is gain."  What does it truly mean to "die to yourself?"  He points out that if we are dead, we have NO dreams, NO aspirations, NO goals.  Being a SERIOUS dreamer, this is a hard pill to swallow, and I'm suddenly aware that maybe my mouth and actions haven't always lined up in devotion to Christ.   Have I bought into the "American Dream" version of Christianity?  Hmmm...


Ashamed...
I have a serious confession to make: sometimes I think I am ashamed of Christ.  I can tell that slowly, slowly, I've become less able to make definitive statements out loud.  "Christ is the ONLY way", "This is a sin in God's eyes", things like that.  My heart still believes, but my mouth seems to be rusted shut by our culture's message of tolerance.  And if my mouth doesn't say it, can my heart really believe it?

All about "The Journey"...
And during all this, there have been many moments where it's just gotten to me and I've become seriously stressed out.  Then one day, I remembered my cousin Christine's advice. :)  We were traveling together in Europe, and I found myself getting anxious about utilizing our time to the fullest and seeing everything we could.  I expected that I wouldn't come back to many of these places, and didn't want to miss a thing.  Having been much more traveled than I at the time, she said "Nicole, it's all about the journey.  Just enjoy it!"  That's always stuck with me, and came back to me a few weeks ago as I was fretting about paying off our debt and becoming financially free to go where God wants.

And so I had to remind myself: there is no "finish line" in this lifetime.  You'll get There when you get There, but until then...do your best, and enjoy the ride!