God has been blessing us with situations lately that are preparing us to GET OUT OF INDIA! Okay, I'm just kidding. Kind of.
First, Chris was deathly ill this weekend. "Deathly" may be a bit of an overstatement, but he did say it crossed his mind a few times. It's been going around the school for a while now...a 24 hour flu that makes it's victim MISERABLE and then is just done. In addition, he's had some severe bouts of butt-disease (diarrhea!) Needless to say, his body is ready to be in a less hostile environment!
Second, my emotions are ready to be in a less hostile environment! Our time here has been fairly tame....until this week when India's mother nature decided to make up for the last 9 months in one all-out attack. Nature's Trifecta bore down on me with a hatred never before witnessed - in the form monkeys, spiders, and bees.
Monkeys
We keep hearing these stories about monkey attacks. One lady was attacked and fell over the cud last year (breaking her ankle), a 3rd grade girl was bit on the arm. As a result, I've often spent walks home imagined my own response to a monkey attack. Obviously I'd start with a round-about kick to the lead monkey's face, and probably let out a tarzan yell or hiss for good measure. And as I look on in my statuesque kung-fu stance, the monkeys would run away yelping. Right?
Wrong. (Warning...this tale not appropriate for the faint of heart!)
Last Monday I was walking to school when I noticed a monkey to my left. I passed it confidently, stomped a few times, and continued on my way. A minute or so later I glanced back to see that..he's still following me. No cause for concern. Another minute. Still following. Slight concern. My attention was so focused on not feeling any concern that I didn't notice myself suddenly surrounded with monkeys. Ahh...crap. Well, now what? I continued to walk confidently and tried to swallow my fear. Out of the blue I hear a screeching/hissing behind me, and suddenly...the monkey from behind JUMPED ON MY BACK! I totally flipped out, and started screaming and running. Enter: scene from Lord of the Rings where all the monkey ork-things surround the Fellowship in the underground dwarf city. There were literally 15 monkeys running at me from all sides. (mom, don't be afraid...it all turns out okay!). One jumps at me from the left, grabs my arm, and I really take off. I kicked a baby monkey with my right foot, which opened a hole big enough for me to push through and...freedom. I run down the road screaming and crying, and luckily run into two of my good friends. They calm me down, and I only cry for the next 10 minutes. :)
Spiders
Two days later I'm taking a shower (I try to do that once in a while!). I finish up, wrap my hair in one of the towels, and start drying off with the other one when...a "4-inch in diameter" spider crawls out of the towel and starts crawling up my arm. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I again scream (waking Chris up in the process), throw my towel down, and continue to freak out for the next 5 minutes.
Now, let me assure you that these are no Iowa spiders. These are BIG SPIDERS. Hairy, black, thick, ready to suck the life out of a small rodent if given the chance. And, it was on my arm. Chris was, of course, my hero, and killed it for me. It was another rough start to the day, though.
Bees
If this had been an isolated incident, I would have thought nothing of it. However, in the context of this week, I was SO MAD! We have a bee hive outside one of our windows, and often get bees in our house. They're really lethargic and easy to kill, but it is pretty annoying to have a floor full of dead bees. Lately, though they've been wonderfully absent, and we really haven't thought much about them.
On Thursday night, though, as I was talking with Chris from another room, I step down...and step right on a dead bee's stinger. And while I know this is not unique to India, I was annoyed. Monkeys, okay. Spiders, maybe. But really, enough is enough. :)
Just for the record, we really do love it here. Surrounded by mountains, communing with nature...I just wish we didn't have to commune so closely!
8 comments:
I've been attacked by monkeys too. I hate them! They have those creepy little hands and sinister eyes!
Oh Nicole. . . I think this is my favorite blog yet!!! You are such a hilarious writer. As aweful as the monkey attack would be the spider story really raised the hair on my arms. Icky! Glad you have more good stories to bing back to Iowa.
ahhhhh haha!!! Oh India you're gonna miss it don't lie!!!!:) All Iowa has is rats and corn!!! Hey have you heard of a broom and batting the crap out of that bee hive?!?! Granted, at first ALL the bees will come after you, but that will only sting for a week or so, but LONG term no more bees and LOTS of left over honey from the hive!! WIN WIN WIN!!!!!:) Not to one up your spider incident, but tonight I pooped a spider!!;) POOP!!!
did I mention POOP!!!!
Ummmmm.....yeah.
This would make me ready to go home! Or at least away from monkeys and huge spiders and bees :)
What an incredible week or so of scary experiences. When I was at Woodstock in a different lifetime..I didn't remember monkeys THAT much!!
I did have a few close calls with baby scorpions on socks I was about to put on. If Mussoorie and Woodstock are to remain viable tourist and educational destinations something serious is going to have to be done about those monkeys!!
Nicole - I'm sorry to hear that you had to experience "Nature's Trifecta". However, I must say that it makes for wonderful lunch break reading. I laughed (sympathetically of course) a number of times. Maybe Chris should get you some pepper spray or at least a big stick. Very glad to hear that you persevered and are doing better. P.S. I am also please that Chris survived his sickness and hopefully has recovered from his butt disease.
On the bright side, at least you did not get stung by a bee, jumped on by a spider, attacked by a gang of monkeys, stricken with a deadly illness and suddenly had “butt disease” all that the same moment! :)
I m happy you are all safe :) Mother nature loves you, and now when you have decided to go away from her, she is just showing her anger(actualy diliking). Monkeys, spider and bees- they could have hurted you badly but not. May be its not that 'one-more-reason-to-pack-bags-and-fly-back-home' but possibly 'a-thought-trigger-to-think-about-staying-with-her' !! I wish If I would have some source to pay off your student loans. I m helpless. I dont understand what Jesus wants you to do, but I know these kids love you and need you here. I just pray for a miracle :)
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