I've been back and forth so many times lately that I really don't quite know what I think anymore. Before this year, I would NEVER have wanted to teach elementary general music. I'm ashamed to admit it, but it felt like general music was for teachers who didn't have enough talent to teach ensembles. (I know, an ugly confession!). This year though, I have TOTALLY changed.
So now I'm struggling. I LOVED teaching high school choir, with all my heart. I LOVED the moments where we made great music, loved picking music that would challenge and give them success at the same time, loved the relationships I built with the students. I thought I had found my calling, and wanted to get a masters/doctorate/maybe even teach at the collegiate level. And then, we came to India.
And now, I LOVE general music. I love the relationships I have with these little kids, the creative things we can do, the daily challenge it is to keep them learning WHILE keeping them interested. They retain information so well, are so energetic and excited about new things! And, I would NEVER get bored...I know I would always be able to get MORE creative or have BETTER units or have COOLER projects.
So, I've started a list of pros and cons (which, of course NEVER work because you somehow manage to focus on the pros and minimize the cons...but here goes).
High School Music
PROS
- The relationships with the students can be SO deep and meaningful...you create great things together, and there's a bond that inevitably follows.
- You can make REALLY neat music, which is worshipful in and of itself.
- There are REALLY neat opportunities for performances: variety shows, musicals, concerts, community performances.
- Endless possibilities...I could make the program as COOL as I wanted to. :)
- This job just "works" with my personality and skills. I don't have to try real hard, so I can focus on the people instead of the things.
CONS
- There's a lot of outside-of-school time that goes with the type of high school program that I would want to direct.
- Musicals. (PERIOD!) 3 months out of the year, 3 nights a week, 3 hours a night. Ugh!
- Basically...it's all about time. I would be giving up mornings with my family, nights with my family, weekends with my family.
Elementary School
PROS
- The kids are AWESOME, and I would definitely get my daily quota of hugs.
- It would keep me young forever.
- There's no end of fun challenges...tons of professional development...the only way I would ever get bored was if I got lazy.
- SO many great resources, and tons of really fun performance opportunities. Elementary musicals, fun patriotic shows, etc. etc.
- Not much outside-of-school time (at least not scheduled time - there would be more daily prep, but not time when I had to be with kids outside of school. I choose my outside hours).
- Much more family-friendly.
CONS
- It doesn't "feed my soul."
- The relationships with the students seem (this may be a misconception!) more superficial...less impactful (at least where they'll remember it).
- More "organizing", less "making music".
- I would really miss creating quality music...long-term, it would be really hard for me.
- I'm less naturally skills at this job...I have to work harder to be good at it, which makes it more tiring/discouraging at times.
It almost feels like I'm choosing between two COMPLETELY different careers. They're both music teaching jobs, but they are 101% different! The problem is, I LOVE both of them.
The only thing I can say with certainty is that I'm supposed to teach...I LOVE having students, I LOVE seeing the "light bulb come on", I LOVE the challenge that I face every day, no matter what age or class I'm teaching.
So, I want feedback. What are the "most important" things here? If you've lived more of life than I have, what are the things you've NEVER regretted giving up (or choosing over something else). Where am I believing/accepting lies?
Just like the song says, "You say music teacher, I say music teacher...let's call the whole thing off!" I don't want to call it off...I just wish they really were the same thing.
8 comments:
Here's my feedback, but it's not really a biased feedback. I see both sides!
1-I dont remember my elementary music teachers. I dont even really remember music class! But I know that in 4th grade, when I got involved in orchestra, it changed my perspective of music. Now that I look back on my life (what i can remember of elementary and high school), what stands out to me as most memorable musically are a) my orchestra instructor and b) my choir/musical director both from middle school/high school. Both people impacted my life in really positive ways, and impacted my decision making skills as well as my confidence. Seriously! So they were huge and instrumental in the tumultuous times that is high school!
2- There's a gal in my small group who is an elementary school music teacher. It's amazing to hear the stories she has, the way kids attach to her and the impact she has with families in the school. She is so excited when she talks about it, she seems energized by it, and like you say - she can find new and creative ways to teach.
To me, I feel like it's going to come down to where most of your heart is. There are things in my life that I "enjoy" and find deeply exciting and fun, but there are things in my life that I KNOW I am passionate about and am gifted in. I would even say that I'm not 100% satisfied in what I'm doing, but that the Lord has shown me the path He wants me on. I dont know that we'll ever fully "arrive" to that perfect place. I think we have to follow our hearts and the Lord's impression on them, and be willing to take opportunities as they arise. Sometimes the Lord shakes things up - like seems to be happening with you - just to create more room for Him to lead. I really believe that. He stirs our hearts or our circumstances, and even if you just step back and think about it - keeps us on our toes :) And sometimes He calls us to make a move.
Curious to see how this plays out. And I wouldnt really say this is advice - just my response to your blog from my heart to yours :) Love you Nicole! I'm enjoying following your journey in life!
I love you.
I think you are great.
I really wish I could sing like you.
My elementary music teacher was an old stupid hag.
I love going to music class now, and the teacher is awesome. She loves her job. You would be like her.
I think you should teach little kids.
I think you should direct our family choir.
I think you should be in a band.
I think you should teach me how to sing and I want to play the fiddle and break dance.
I think that you can get your "high school teacher" outlet if you teach little ones.
Lets start having babies now.
Well Nicole, it sounds to me that maybe one of the reasons you are in India is for you to see that maybe God is leading you into working with the little ones. Maybe you don't know that it won't "feed your soul" until after you spend more time doing it. It might feed your soul in other ways. when working close with the younger ones you will probably get to know the parents more as well. There are so many lives that can be touched. can you try it out?... and then later if you decide it is not for you, can you go back? or is it not that easy? I understand your situation, but the positive thing is that you love doing both! It feels so good when you finally find what you love. :)
Have to agree with what Kelli B offers...I'm a retired strings teacher. Believe the Lord had a definite hand in that career. Was able to teach it the way I wanted to which helped me grow a lot of fine musicians without sacrificing family time. The students from my last years of teaching are asking me to be their friends on Facebook. Yes, it's the advanced music making and the long term friendships that make music teaching such a wonderful career sometimes.
Mrs. Farley!
I miss you soo much! I just cried when I read your blog. School definitely isn't the same without you. Those kids are the luckiest children in the world to have you teaching them. Thank you for everything you taught me and for letting me discover what music truely is. I'm going to sing in college and am still working on improving my high range :) I love you!
Come to UNI, get your masters and then decide after that! :)
You would make your sister and I very happy.
This is your mommy - Here are my thoughts: if you are going to be a mommy, the HS thing takes you away too much. Since you are a wife, you could even say that it took you away too much, also, but that's between you and Chris. Remember that you could have options of making some really good high quality music with another ensemble like a church choir, a chamber choir, a fun beauty-shop (female barbershop) quarter, a gospel quartet...and Chris could be involved in something like that, too. You are going to touch lives no matter where you teach: if it's little kids, you'll involve the moms, if it's bigger kids, you'll build relationships with them. Anyway - I think you're great and I know you'll make a great decision! love ya! Hey...10 days and counting!
HI - DAD Here
It's sure fun to read this blog and these comments. I am so proud of you. Being an ex band director, I know exactly the things that you are talking about. The relationships with HS kids I still miss immensely. I also know how much time a HS ensemble takes if you want to do a good job, and I know that you do. I think it is different for a male than for a female - especially when kids are involved. Maybe you should teach elementary where the time constraints are less, and then you could sing in a fancy restaurant somewhere and make good music with your dad accompanying you on the piano. He would like that!
I love you punky.
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