I'm tired.

So, I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking and contemplating and trying to figure out what I'm ACTUALLY feeling...of trying to discern what is the foremost issue I'm dealing with, as opposed to all the "other ones" that are clouding my ability to pray/think/contemplate/deal with things pointedly. It's jarring to have things you'd come to accept about yourself be suddenly challenged and changed. Sometimes I wonder if I actually know myself at all!

Lately, I feel tired on all levels: physically, emotionally, spiritually. Physically, school has been really busy...lots of running and juggling schedules and making sure all the bases are covered but never being able to stretch quite far enough, and inevitably letting someone down or something slip in the process. Emotionally, I'm so ready to go home. I'm ready to see family, to stop thinking about the future for a few weeks, to stop trying to figure everything out, to stop trying to convince myself that all these challenges are "good for me" (of course, they are...it's just tiring to face challenges all the time. :) ). I'm tired of convincing myself that "Well, I can't do anything about it, so I'd best just accept/embrace it." Spiritually, I feel so tired of trying to discern God's will, and not feeling confident that I can. Does God has specific wills for each of our lives? Or, does he have a general will that all we just work to be more Christ-like within life's circumstances? I know God won't mess up...but what if I do?!

Now, my mind knows the answer: it's good for me. It really is good for me, and I actually do know that. And...have no fear. I won't give up, get down on life, get depressed, or "lose it". But I will say it: I'm tired. :)

So, I'm going to go to sleep now. Maybe I'll stop being so tired!