Culture Shock and TRUTH

This is going to be a heart blog...here's my heart, world! I'm going through culture shock. I think it's been hitting me for about a week now, and I've been feeling seriously confused. I've randomly been grumpy, little things that would NEVER bother me at home have been blown out of proportion, Chris and I have been fighting randomly, sarcasm that I would have laughed off previously suddenly becomes a personal attack. Today I labeled myself as officially depressed, and I thought, "Maybe I'm going through culture shock!" I walked home with my new friend Kate who said that it really hits people around 4 weeks, so I decided to look it up...and it's TRUE!

Here are the stages of culture shock:

1. Excitement
- Feel very positive about the culture
- Are overwhelmed with impressions
- Find the new culture exotic and are fascinated.

Side Note: I actually felt pretty proud of myself for "adjusting" so well the last couple of weeks! I felt like everything was a fun new challenge, the crazy smells and sounds didn't overwhelm me, I wanted to take it all in. Yeah...pride is GONE!

2. Withdrawal
- Find the behavior of the people and culture unusual and unpredictable
- Begin to dislike the culture and react negatively to the behavior
- Feels anxious
- Start to withdraw
- Begin to criticize or mock the people

I'll delve into my reactions of withdrawal later...

3. Adjustment - The individual now has a routine, feels more settled and is more comfortable in dealing with the new culture. They...
- Understand and accept the behavior of the people
- Feel less isolated
- Regain their sense of humor

4. Enthusiasm - The individual now feels at home. They...
- Enjoy being in the culture
- Functions well in the culture
- Prefer certain cultural traits of the new rather than their own
- Adopt certain behaviors from the new culture

I'd definitely say I'm in #2.
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Here's the part that's really "irking" me. I feel like I'm in this confused state, and I can't discern truth from feeling. For example...

- I'm afraid to walk by myself outside almost all the time. I've been approached or gawked at a few times by Indian men, and suddenly I have these really "real to me" fears all the time! Are these fears rational or are my emotions getting the best of me?

- I just found out about "bride burnings" that happen in India, and it has COMPLETELY changed how I see women (and men!) in India. Apparently, it's rather common for men and their families to burn brides if they aren't satisfied with the dowry that accompanies her. And suddenly I feel like I'm incompetent at everything I do...but ONLY when compared to men. GRR! I have NEVER had those feelings before.

- I'm suddenly second guessing everything I do. I feel like: I'm not a good teacher, I'm not a good friend, I'm socially awkward, the kids don't like me, my boss doesn't like me. I feel like I'm back in 7th grade!!! AHH!

- I ordered a quilt made the other day, and when it was done the original piece of cloth that had covered the bed no longer did because it had been scrunched up by the quilting. And it was a big deal. Like, I almost cried about it and Chris and I got into a fight "big deal." In my head I know it's COMPLETELY ridiculous, but my head and my emotions aren't exactly meeting up.

- I'm pretty sick of the food here, so I 'm starting to just not eat sometimes. On the up side, I'm losing some weight! But, the not eating part kind of sucks. :) (not breakfast though, breakfast ROCKS!)

- I feel confused about my feelings all the time.

- I just started crying when I heard our dogs bark over Skype (Chris is talking with his mom). Whoa.

It really helped to label what I'm feeling as "culture shock", because then at least it puts me in a "this is normal" category.


What's been helping:
- Hiking has seemed to help the most. I'm finding that when I hike, I'm not a "blonde white girl" or "dressed differently", I'm just in nature, away from strange things, and able to exert energy and sweat it out. It feels really good to have an outlet, and I'm so glad to have people that are up for hiking so often.

- Working around the house and making our house more homey has made at least one place feel good.

- I feel SO thankful that we have people that can act as our "family" here in India. I can think of 6 or 7 people that I could go to right now (other than Chris, of course), and just unload. They probably wouldn't love it all that much (since most of them are ALSO probably going through a form of culture shock), but if I needed to, I could...and they're going through the same thing, so they would understand.

- Ordering "western" food. :) We have penne alfredo with garlic bread on the way!

SO, I've decided to pray for a few things incessantly until God answers (which He WILL, that much doesn't change!). I'm going to pray that the Holy Spirit will show me Truth, and that I will be able to be others-focused during this self-focused time. I'll let you know how it turns out. :)

P.S. Family, you don't need to worry...we really are doing great, just transitioning. No fears!