Beautiful Promises and Scary Times

SO much has happened since my last post. Isn't it weird, when you have weeks like that? I personally love when that happens, because my biggest pet peeve is ROUTINE. I HATE ROUTINE! Lately though, I hate to admit I've been craving a little routine in my life.

In a couple of weeks, I'm hoping that I'll be able to reveal the "whole story", or at least what may be the finished first chapter of the last couple of months. 2009 is going to be titled "The Year of Changes and Challenges" for the Farley duo. So, know that this story is just a part of what God's teaching me, and for some outside reasons, I can't quite disclose everything just yet. But, here's the page in this chapter that I can share!

In January I started experiencing some weird pains in my abdomen. I honestly didn't think anything of it....it actually started out feeling like indigestion that wouldn't go away. The next day, I couldn't lay on my side, and the day after that I couldn't bend over to tie my shoe. When I had to push myself up with my arms to get out of bed, Chris made me go to the doctor.

This situation was very scary for both of us and our families. I told our doctor the symptoms I was experiencing, and she immediately sent me to the hospital for some blood work and a CT scan. Before I had changed out of the tasteful gown they provided, they told me Dr. Mullis wanted to speak with me right away...mind you, it was 5:30 on a Thursday, when the clinic closed at 5:00. It was scary!

Chris came with, and the first words out of her mouth were, "Now, I don't want you to be too scared. This could really be anything...it could be a lymphoma..." That's all I heard, to be honest. I've always had this fantasy in my mind about the way I would respond to devastating news. I pictured myself being the godly heroine with long-term perspective, a soft smile and lots of turning to Jesus...in reality, my heart stopped beating, it felt like my ears were about to explode, and I saw my life flash before my eyes! It was really weird.

It turned out that it was NOT cancer at all, but it was a 4" cyst in the "mezzentary" area of my abdomen. They biopsied it and a lymph node right near the area, and everything came back benign. I recovered, and wnet back to work less than two weeks later...tackling that crazy time in any choir director's life that is the spring competition season!

This weekend marked the end of a 2 month push in my work life. Every weekend for the last two months, I've had a huge event. I came back to work the Monday before that first event, and the Monday before this last event the pains came back to me.

I waited, hoping they'd go away. Maybe it's scar tissue? Maybe it's just that the areas are readjusting after surgery? Three days of the pain though, and I decided to go in (on my own, I might add...a big step!). Blood work, CT scan, and it's back...bigger than before, and with fluids that now accompany my dear little friend. The first time we called it "Larry the Lump". This one's name is "Lucy". My friend calls is my little alien...

I can actually feel it this time, which is kind of fun! What's not fun is that I can't get a full breath, and I feel nauseous almost all the time. (don't worry, they checked and I'm not pregnant!). I have an appointment with the general surgeon tomorrow and then we're off to a specialist, either in Iowa City or Mayo.

Amazingly, I am NOT nervous at all. I really can't believe how much peace God has blessed me with, and feel closer to Him now than I have since I joined with work force. I am having a hard time really understanding it all, though. I have a hard time with concepts...I like to SEE everything...SEE results, SEE the people I talk to, SEE a finished project...I can't SEE Lucy! I can't see the possible impact this could have in our lives. I can't see Chris' emotions and fears. I guess God's growing some new skills in me, huh? Maybe patience...maybe new wisdom...maybe stronger empathy...maybe mental and physical fortitude...maybe a stronger tolerance for change...maybe being able to "let go" when I don't know the answer. I guess that's all we could ever hope for...that God not give up on our sinful selves, and do what He needs to do to get us to where we need to be! What a beautiful promise.