A Full House

As of last Monday we've had a full house.  And by full house, I mean the Yahtzee kind - 2 of one kind and 3 of another.  2 adults and 3 kids!

I have never been so exhausted in my whole life.  This has been a WONDERFUL experience, and I've especially learned a lot about what parent's heart must be like....sacrificial giving without any expectation of something in return.  (from my last post, I'm wondering if this is my next lesson to really learn?!).  And while this has been about the best situation possible for what we're doing (I'm sorry if this doesn't all make sense, I can't really say more!), it's still been very hard.

After the last 2 weeks I feel VERY certain that both parents are not meant to work outside the home full time.  The family suffers, the house suffers, health suffers, relationships suffer, communication suffers, work suffers...nothing is done the way it should be done!  I guess it feels good to learn that lesson earlier rather than later.

I've also felt very blessed by some relationships we have right now.  We have felt so supported, so loved, so encouraged...in spite of my public breakdowns, people still hug me!

And that's that!  It looks like our temporary family will be moving on soon, but we've loved having them for this season and are praying for their next transition.

You know: the knee-shaking, heart-racing, tongue-drying kind of fear.

God has been doing a lot of work in my heart lately.  When we came back from India (about a year ago now), I was really struggling with the question of why.  Why are we back here?  Why couldn't we stay?  God, why didn't you provide for our financial needs?  You are big enough, so why?!  A year into that question, I wonder if I have His answer: Nicole, you've got some serious stuff to deal with. 

When we visited my cousins Jason and Christine in Hong Kong, the Holy Spirit gave Jason a word for us - "don't settle for the status quo."  The next day we got the call that nearly changed our situation to allow us to stay in India, so I naturally felt confused about the intent of that message.  Now, I feel very certain that the Lord didn't give us that word to convince us to stay in India.  He gave us that word for RIGHT NOW.  How are we called to live life differently in America?  How do we need to change our priorities and actions so that we are radically and obediently sacrificing here, in the land of plenty, when it's absolutely normal to turn a blind eye to the needs of this world? 

Enter - FEAR.  There are moments in my life that (if I'm honest) I am completely petrified.  And as far as I can tell, here's why...

Relationships have always felt like one of my basic needs.  I can vacillate between an emotional high after a great conversation on the phone to an emotional low 2 hours later because I feel lonely.  If I'm not in relationship with others I just lose it!  In India it "just happened" - in Ames/Story City, it's NOT HAPPENING.  Because it's been so hard to find those "comfort friends" that you can just BE with and hang with and do nothing and everything with, I've entered (or is it re-entered?!) a state of relational fear.

So how do India lessons and current fears connect?  Hmmm...good question, thanks for asking!

I am SO afraid that if I choose to live radically here and now, I will lose the relationships that have begun to develop.  Change is scary...conviction is scary...extremes are scary...if I open myself to that kind of a life, won't I automatically alienate myself from a whole group of people who can't just "jump in" as well?   And if I alienate myself from a huge percentage of the few people that feel available to me...yep, doesn't look good in the relationship department!

Let's define: By "relationship" I DON'T mean people to hang out with on a Friday night, or saying "hey" and getting a weekly update at church on Sunday morning.  I DO mean people that feel like they can and WILL walk into my house without knocking, people that will accept me and others for exactly who they are, people that would call me up when they only have a few veggies in the fridge to see if I want to share supper tonight.  I DON'T mean feeling like we're part of the "in" group or always getting called for the big group events.  I DO mean friends that will pray for us in our struggles, that will choose to love us when we're unlovable, that are people oriented instead of task oriented, that would give until it hurts because that's what family does.   

There are plenty of the "don'ts".  Not many of the "dos".

But here's the deal.  I'M not being that kind of friend.  I feel so afraid that my friendship won't be received that I find myself slinking into the model I see and know - perch behind closed doors until someone else reaches out first....and retreat as soon as possible so you don't get hurt. 

Chris has been reading a lot about the drought in Somalia.  We have been working to live out the conviction that God gave us while we were in India - "if you see a need and you can, fill it."  I feel so able to giving of my money and time and possessions, because I know they'll be received.  However, something really struck me tonight as we were watching an interview between CNN and Bono about the Somalian drought.  Bono said "it's not your intentions, it's your actions."  And here's what I realized.

It took India to convict and equip me to give of my resources (time, money, possessions) freely, without expectation of return. 

It's taking post-India America to convict and equip me to give of myself freely, without expectation of return.

Just guessing, but I think this might be a long journey...

It's Official...

We are OFFICIALLY licensed foster parents as of today!  Now we're just waiting for "the call"...duh-duh-duh!  There probably won't be more to come later, since we can't really talk about the kids we'll get, but I'll tell what I can.  :)

Happy September and Happy LONG WEEKEND!

Fun in "Music Land"...

Circle round, circle round, follow me to music town.  

Circle round, circle round, follow me today.
(the Kindergarten welcome song!) 

This summer was a big music summer!   I purposely didn't think about school AT ALL until my Kodaly class started, but I haven't stopped thinking ever since.  I learned a lot at my class, and have had SO much fun (sometimes a little too much fun?!) putting it into practice.  Here are some of the "new toys" that have found their way into the R-S music classroom this year.

A Jeopardy Board - can play "instrument jeopardy", "rhythm jeopardy", "melody jeopardy", "composer jeopardy

Rhythm packets.  Each packet has 16 "beat sheets" and a bunch of different rhythmic components that will allow the students to write compositions or known songs really easily.

Music Note BINGO!

Music note puzzles. :)

Domi'notes'...got it from a friend, I'm not this creative!

A different type of rhythm manipulative.

The first version of rhythm reading.  Instead of "ta, tee-tee", this is "long, quick-quick"

The beginning of my sub game - turkey poker!  Again, got from a friend...this is going to be a sweet game - like "Go Fish"

The up-close Turkey Poker card.

Some of the "Music Street" houses...really seems to be helping students understand the distance between pitches already!

Visual for rhythm and melody on "Starlight, Starbright", geared toward early 1st grade....also made individual syllabication packets for all the students and magnetic words/stars to work through together on the white board. :) 

Beat sheet - poster where I can easily add the rhythm element on top of the "heart beat".  

And, there you go!  I've been processing how much I should focus on schoolwork lately and will write more about that later, but for now I'm just feeling glad that at this much work is done!

Book #14-18: Thank you Audible!

 Book #14: "Catching Fire"

by Suzanne Collins

Book #15: "Mockingjay"

by Suzanne Collins

Book #16: "The Final Empire: Mistborn"

by Brandon Sanderson

Book #17: "The Well of Ascension"

by Brandon Sanderson

Book #18: "The Hero of Ages"

by Brandon Sanderson

Now that school has started, I'm really realizing how little time there will be for reading.  I've always listened to some audio books that Chris got through his Audible account, but lately I've been listening every spare second I have - especially during those mindless tasks.  I'm going to try and talk him into letting me get my own account so I can get books that I want, but recently I've enjoyed the "Final Empire" books (another fantasy trilogy) while cutting out endless feet of lamination at school. :)

While I'd much rather be actually reading the books, I'm realizing that part of life is learning how to adapt...so for now, I'm "consuming" books instead of reading them...and hopefully I'll still be able to meet my yearly book goals!

Wonderful Wisconsin

     The weekend after visiting Minneapolis we took a 3-day weekend and made the long haul to Germantown, Wisconsin to see my other cousin Erik and his family - Laura, Olivia, Soren, and Anya.  It was especially fun because Matt and Amy decided to come with at the last minute, so we have company for the 7 hour drive!  We got to the Ouimette home around 3:00 Friday, and our time was packed full until we left around 3:00 Sunday.  SO much fun you guys, thanks for hosting us!

Laura the cook cutting the food sent in by Erik the griller...good teamwork guys!

Seriously huge table.

Matt enjoying some cute little girl time.

Anya SERIOUSLY loves this sand!

Cute Olivia!

Big boy Soren gone swimming.

After swimming we went to an air show by the Thunderbirds!  It was SO packed.

Cute youngest sisters

Love these kids!

We had a sweet view of the airplanes right on the bay.

So cool!

Saturday night we hung out at the house, went to church Sunday morning, then head over to the Brewers stadium for lunch before we left for Iowa.  Cute as ever!

Look at this boy pose!

The whole crew!

Stadium seating all the way!

And like any fun family time, the trip was capped off with a game of boy-tag.  Love you guys!

Minneapolis Cousins

Since we decided to take the foster care class this summer (and have been working to pay off our debt), a big travel trip didn't really fit into our lives.  I distinctly remember a moment of fear at the beginning of the summer where I thought "what am I going to do?!"  I DEFINITELY didn't have a problem filling up my time...lots of hanging out, lunch dates, running dates, boot camp, moving, school stuff, classes, and WEEKEND TRIPS!

We scheduled three weekend trips at the beginning of the summer.  First, we head down to Kansas to visit our dear family (Dana and Kathleen) and friends (Cookie and Dave).  We LOVE spending time with them, and had a super weekend.  Little trip #1 = success!

Our second trip was up to Minneapolis to visit my cousin Tara and her family.  After visiting Jason and Christine in Hong Kong, I realized how much I like being able to picture people's daily lives.  SO, we scheduled a weekend to visit and head up to observe the life of the Huptons!  Here are some highlights.  :)

America's version of bicycle rickshaws!

Big boy Tyler riding his bike

There was a neat Aztec dance troop that performed in the middle of the park we went to.

And then there were some strange Star Wars people with action figure cards.  Hmmmm...

Father/Son, so sweet.

Hubby/wife. :)

The whole crew!

And the sweet family. :)  Love you Huptons!

 It was a great weekend of hanging out, visiting, playing with the kiddos, and seeing some new things.  Thanks for hosting us cuz!

Down Before the First Punch is Thrown...

Anyone ever feel like they got knocked out before the fight even started?  

Today I'm totally stressed out.  Anyone who knows me can tell you that I don't "do" details well, and I realized today that I have placed myself in a very, very, VERY high-detail job.  Most of the time I can handle it.  Today, not so much. :)

Note: with the exception of the other specials teachers, all the other teachers in the building have at least one "vent buddy" - someone who has a similar or identify schedule, similar challenges and frustrations, someone who understands what they're going through and can be a friendly ear.  I, however, do not.  Being the internal processor that I am (oh wait...not so much), I can usually hold it in and just deal.  But inevitably the frustration builds and I make a mad dash to the hall where I promptly break down sobbing to the unlucky soul who picked the exact wrong time to take a quick bathroom break. 

Today I only had a minor sob-fest with my principal.  She was caring and compassionate (all the while probably searching frantically for the nearest exit), but as I was walking back to my room I determined that I will NOT break down at school again.  It's embarrassing and unprofessional and just plain ridiculous.  So, here I am - breaking down to the cyber world instead.

Here's my schedule (yep, gonna write the whole thing down, prepare to be bored!)


MONDAY: 1) 8:40-9:10, 2) 9:10-9:40, Plan, 3) 10:05-10:35, 4) 10:35-11:05, 5) 11:10-11:40, Travel, Lunch, 6) 12:30-12:55, 7) 1:00-1:25, 8) 1:30-1:55, 9) 1:55-2:20, 10) 2:20-2:45 Plan, Bus Room

TUESDAY: 1) 8:45-9:10, 2) 9:15-9:40, 3) 9:40-10:05, 4) 10:05-10:30, 5) 10:35-11:00, 6) 11:00-11:25, 7) 11:25-11:50, Lunch, 8) 12:30-12:55, 9) 1:00-1:25, 10) 1:30-1:55, 11) 1:55-2:20, 12) 2:20-2:45, 13) 2:45-3:10, Bus Room

WEDNESDAY: 1) 8:40-9:10, Plan, 2) 9:40-10:10, 3) 10:10-10:40, 4) 10:40-11:10, 5) 11:10-11:40, Travel, Lunch, 6) 12:30-12:55, 7) 1:00-1:25, 8) 1:30-1:55, 9) 1:55-2:20, 10) 2:20-2:45 Plan, Bus Room

THURSDAY: 1) 1) 8:45-9:10, 2) 9:15-9:40, 3) 9:40-10:05, 4) 10:05-10:30, Plan, 6) 11:00-11:25, Plan, Lunch, 7) 12:30-12:55, 8) 1:00-1:25, 9) 1:30-1:55, 10) 1:55-2:20, 11) 2:20-2:45, 12) 2:45-3:10, Bus Room

FRIDAY: 1) 8:40-9:10, Plan, 2) 9:40-10:10, 3) 10:10-10:40, 4) 10:40-11:10, Travel, 5) 11:30-11:55, Lunch, 6) 12:30-12:55, 7) 1:00-1:25, 8) 1:30-1:55, Plan, 9) 2:20-2:45, Plan, Bus Room

And I am completely overwhelmed!  I know that once I get into it (hopefully?!) it won't be quite so daunting, but it feels pretty crazy right now.  We added another section of Kindergarten which adds two classes to my schedule from last year.  AHHHHHH!

It's going to be interesting to find a balance between "mere survival" and "doing this job well".  I have a hard time doing anything less than my best (thanks to mom and pops), but for the first time, I feel like that may not be possible.  Or, it may drive me crazy.  I guess the real question is "What would I need to give up" in order to my best, and "Is it worth it?"

Anyway, there's my rant.  I'm sure there will be more to come later, but for now I'm heading to bed!  First day of school tomorrow...still have butterflies in my tummy just like 1st grade. :)

Processing Permanency

As we've been going through our foster classes there have been many "oh, wow" moments.  For example, birth parents.  Many of the parents of foster children have been stuck in generations of sin (abuse, neglect, substances, etc.), and need help to break the cycle.  They haven't learned how to be good parents and in many cases, are really just doing the best they can - to which (how awful would this feel!) the state can say, "your best isn't good enough."  I feel thankful for the children that there are systems set up to intervene, but am really realizing that only half of foster care is taking care of the kids - the other half is coming alongside the parents. 

I had a major "oh, wow" moment this last Monday.  The class's focus was permanency.  Instead of giving us the book definition of permanency, the teachers showed us a video of a bunch of foster kids telling us what permanency meant to them.  "Always knowing I have somewhere to go."  "Knowing that someone will love me for me, no matter what."  "Having a home."  "Being able to talk to someone about anything."  It seriously HIT me - not everyone has this...and this is a basic need!  Food, water, air, shelter.  While the "shelter need" is usually considered to be physical, "shelter" is also an emotional need and is as important to survival/development as having a place to get out of the rain.

I started thinking about the people that provide permanency in my life, and have come up with about 8.  I have 8 people in my life that I can know (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that they'll be there for me NO MATTER WHAT.  They've got my back, they love me unconditionally, they can handle my crazy and not get scared off. 

And as soon as these kids are put into foster care, their permanency number basically drops to 0. 

Since the main goal of foster care is reunification, it's hoped that the kids will go back to their newly-straightened-out parents that can now fill their needs and be the permanency factor in their life again.  However, about 4/10 kids don't get to go back and find themselves at the age of 4 or 7 or 11 or 18 having to recreate what permanency looks like in their lives.  One of the girls on the video talked about how she had "aged out" of the system, and hopes that people are aware that there is such a thing as "adult adoption".   If no one is willing to adopt her as an adult, she will never have a family.  How awful.  Where do you come from?  What is your heritage?  Who loves you? 

I've been struggling with wanting to be overseas, wanting to be immersed in other cultures and experience the world and learn languages...basically just feeling restless about what's next.  While we know we're here to specifically get our debt paid off, I feel like I'm always asking God what He has for us in the AFTER-DEBT.  Until now our goal has been set: we work and make decisions based on becoming financially free.  We still have a ways to go, but we can see the end and it's been a little scary.  What happens when your whole focus shifts?  When you could literally do anything? 

It feels like this might be our "anything".  Watching that video on Monday night, my "oh, wow" moment was when I thought I can do this, I was made for this!  It felt really good.  :)

The CRAZY Month of July :)

July was crazy.  And we loved it.  But it was seriously crazy.  Here's what went down...

July 4th Weekend - Chris' 10-year Reunion, friend party, fun spontaneous trip to Iowa City for some Farley brother time.

July 5th - 13th - pack house

July 12th - Big Moving Night!  We had lots of help, and ended up getting everything moved from our old place into our new place in 3 1/2 hours!  Seriously stellar...

July 14th - Chris took a vacation day, got unpacked, played volleyball game that night, picked up Matthew from airport at 1 AM.

July 15th - Chris took a vacation day, got unpacked, wedding in Cedar Falls that night.

July 16th - Whole family was home, family time and big birthday party for mom.

July 17th - Family time and 30th anniversary celebration for mom and dad, Matthew left.

July 18th - 22nd - I took a Kodaly class (4 grad. credits, two weeks, 8-4:30) at Drake in Des Moines.  Stayed in Indianola most nights, back for Thursday volleyball.

July 23rd - Boating with Tom, Rach, Brian

July 25th - 29th - Second week of Kodaly class, done at 4:30 on Friday.

July 28th - Win volleyball championship, yeah!

July 29th - 31st - Up to Minneapolis to visit Hupton cousins.  SO FUN!

Aug. 1st - 4th - Recover from the month, start working at school to get ready for the school year.

Aug. 5th - 7th - To Wisconsin to visit Ouimette cousins.  Again, SO FUN!

In the midst of these events we've also been attending our 3-hour Monday night Foster class, and I've been teaching 8 piano lessons a week, going to a morning boot camp, and training for the Des Moines marathon.  Needless to say it's been busy!

On a side note, I've been very introspective lately as I've been processing some upcoming life changes.  For some reason I loathe being "available" all the time.   If it wouldn't put me so far outside today's culture, I would totally go without cell phones/facebook/e-mail.  Anyway, this last month I basically boycotted internet/phones, and just experienced what I was doing at that moment.  Maybe I should continue this in the future..."Just-Be July"?  It's a thought...

And because blog posts are so much more fun with pictures, here's a few pictures of Amy at her new Chick-fil-A job.  Isn't she cute?!