A Panic Attack: Why?

Tonight was our first choir concert of the year. Wow. I was a WRECK up until the very last chord of the last song, and then a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again. But what I can't figure out is, WHY?

My one choir refuses to really work during choir, so I thought the concert was going to be horrible. And I got after them and after them and after them...and they gave me nothing. But tonight, they bust out an amazing performance at the concert and I'm confused. Questions just running through my mind.

1. What do I REALLY want my students to learn? Performance skills, responsibility, work ethic, a passion for music?
2. When is it RIGHT to be angry?
3. How do I be angry without being hurtful or making it personal?
4. WHAT'S THE BALANCE?
5. How do I be a great teacher and be godly?

Let's face it...teaching is hard! Today I was an emotional wreck...the janitor said something to me and I broke down crying. A student stood up on a chair and I flipped out. My husband asked if I could get a video tape from school and I had a panic attack. Boys forgot to wear black dress shoes and I briefly (and insanely) considered cutting them from the program! WHY?! I've decided...I take the little things personally, and suddenly little things become not so little.

HOW do I care enough about my students to actually make a difference, without letting it control my life? Can there really be a separation between professional and personal? Can I be the teacher I WANT to be without making it personal? How do I involve myself personally, so I can affect them on a personal level, AND keep things professional, so they learn what I'm teaching? Why is this hard? How do I see Jesus in all this? How do I BE Jesus to these students?

I guess, it's just hard. I've prayed for wisdom more this year than ever, and I guess I'm just going to keep praying. But I guess, life is supposed to be hard...that's when we're challenged to figure out the "why" in life, huh?

The Initial Blog

So, I've decided to join the ranks, and get my own blog. Most of you that know me will know that "maintaining" and "keeping up on life" are not my strong suits. I hate even brushing my teeth...how boring! But, I've removed blogging from that genre, and here I am! I know, I know...lucky you.

Here's everything you'll never want to know about me!

A Few of My Favorite Things:
1. Thin Mint Blizzards
2. Hot Apple Cider on a cold day
3. Fall
4. The smell of country
5. Family
6. Cozy sweaters
7. A page-turner novel
8. Eric Whitacre choir pieces
9. Cuddling with the hub
10. Puppies
11. Hanging with best friends

My Job: Choir director at Webster City

My Passions: People, family, Jesus, traveling, music, organizing stuff, scrapbooking, phone talking, painting rooms.

My Hub: Chris is my favorite person in the WHOLE WORLD, and is my rock in this world. What would I do without him? Don't know!

My Life: I get up early, teach all day, stay after school, clean, and go to bed late. Between everything, I DREAM. Oh yeah, and I get summers off. :)

And, that's that. Check back later, gators!